Every day that I play with Finale, I find at least two things to be proud of: one that I have done and one that she has done.

As I was playing with her today, I was trying to get my circles down. I know that it sounds silly that I've been playing with her for about four weeks and I still haven't gotten my circles down, but I am not just starting circles, I am perfecting them. "Perfecting them" was the idea that I had in mind when I started out today- because of my idea, everything was... very interesting to start out with.

The first circle that I made, her head was in the air, her back was hollow, she was pulling towards the barn when she got on its side and pushing towards the barn when she got further away from it. I watched her go in a couple circles like that, head up, ripping at grass every so often, going along stumbling and not looking where she was going. I began to do turns, thinking in my old point of view that it was only something to do with her emotions and she would get over it in a moment. After a couple of seconds, I mentally slapped myself for the thought and started to wonder... It's never the horse that has the problem, it's always the human who has a boat load. What were my problems, then? What was I doing wrong?

Suddenly all of the lessons that I have learned within the last couple of months came pouring over me, as they often do when I forget them, and so I tried a few things... I tilted my hips more towards just in front of her instead of at her shoulders/neck/face, turned my toes a bit more outward, rounded my spine just a bit, kept my "fishbowl" straight, straightened my shoulders instead of turning them toward her, loosening my knees and elbows, opening my hands on the string, and tipping my forward wrist just a bit outwards and my hind wrist just a bit toward the ground, put the Carrot Stick behind her but in neutral, and sighed. I then brought my energy closer, focused more on the circle and less on going forward and out, controlled it, brought my mental and emotional self together, brought my self presence together (which at this point was dabbled everywhere), closed my eyes and found my self, then opened them again to see a beautiful world. One thing was left- my seeking for perfection. I dropped all needs of having a perfect circle, I dropped all wants of collection, I dropped all wishes to have the string loose, I dropped all hopes of having her go around beautifully rounded in towards me, and allowed myself to be happy with the moment. By this point, which was probably only a few seconds, she had stopped from her frenzy and was looking at me quietly and questioningly. I smiled at her, tipped my right hip just a bit forward, let my arm extend a fraction and let one finger out a bit looser than the other. What can I say? She looked at me happily, as if to say, "There, I knew you would get it, you sillyhead... Now I am ready to be your partner, friend." with a playful but happy and loving look. She bunched her hindquarters together, readied herself with her shoulders, hips, and neck to turn, came up slightly off of her forehand, spun very slowly on her hindquarters, and floated off. I did this weird thing that some people do with their mouths where you turn the corners of your lips up and open them just slightly to show your teeth and let your eyes shine bright. It's called a smile, I practice this expression and reflection of happiness, peace, and beauty quite often. I went with her, using my body language just as slightly as she was. She was rounded, her neck strong and her back flat, her hindquarters in underneath her, her forehand moving out beautifully, her chin tucked just slightly... She did several of these circles before I tipped my inside hip back, tipped my outside shoulder toward her butt, and she came in to me with the brightest look on her face. She walked right up, I invited her in, and she put her head in my arms. These are the moments in life that make me want to both cry and sing at the same time.

We walked back to the barn as one- I let go of my need for perfection and my horse gave me the perfect, most beautiful moment.

I know that it is not a matter of when she is ready to do Liberty, for she can already do all of those things naturally. Our body language is so light and subtle when we're together and I have everything collected nicely that it would be quite possible. I know that the reason we are not doing more Liberty now is because of me- because I am not quite ready, because I still have moments where I lose focus or energy or self presence or grasp of self or the moment or my mental/emotional state or begin to think in terms of perfection again... And without every ingredient, it will not work. When I have it all though, what she will do for me is absolutely amazing and hearttaking. (instead of breathtaking) Once I get to the point of where I can keep all of these things all of the time when her, we will be able to do Liberty, I will be able to train her bridleless, and we will be wonderful together.

Cherish is not at this point because she takes longer to learn, longer to get comfortable, longer to trust, and longer to see me as a leader. I have also been focusing on Finale for these past few weeks. With my new mindset, I think that Cherish will do absolutely wonderful. I am really looking forward to an extra hour of sunlight- now I just need dryer ground. It's always something, and that is why you can't make excuses for the tiny faults but instead enjoy what you have and what is possible- and impossible.

Because nothing is impossible.