"All because of you,
I believe in angels
Not the kind with wings,
No not the kind with halos,
The kind that bring you home
When home becomes a safe place.
All you have to do is shout it out."
-Rise Against "The Good Left Undone"

I was singing this today to the horses, over and over again. If you listen to the actual song, it's mostly hard rock. I was singing it very softly and with high notes, kind of whisper-singing. It's basically the opposite of how they sing it in the actual song, but I liked the words sung that way to the horses. I also changed "strange" to "safe" without meaning to and left out one line. It doesn't matter, that's how I want to sing it to my horses. They rather liked it. When I was singing it to Cherish she didn't like it at first, it almost seemed like it bothered her. As I went on, she just put her head down near my leg and closed her eyes, as if I would keep her safe. It was really sweet, and took me by surprise a little bit because she still tends to be slightly tense and defensive about having her face right next to you and low to the ground.

Finale had her ears pricked forward, listening to me. Tiny droplets fell lightly from the sky and were placed on the tips of her forelock, as if someone had specifically placed them there to be jewels. They twinkled in the grey light and made me chuckle a bit because they reminded me of stars. She blew out a bit and kept her eyes open, just staring at me as I sang and I looked back into her eyes. The world stopped for a moment and I could hear each rain droplet touching the earth, my hands, and her face around us. She reached forward and touched my hand and I got this feeling of contented love... but it was slightly different. I knew exactly what she meant, but not in words. If you were to ruin it and translate it to human words, she was saying thank you for giving her what she thought she would never had. Simple moments with humans. She let me see the world through her 'eyes' for a moment. Everything was so beautiful, and it was like... the heaviness had finally lifted from the world. From her world. She lowered her head and held it there next to me, then followed me when I took a step forward.

I have had a similar experiences with Hope and Cherish.

I walked out as it was getting dark to say hello to Hope. My extended family was here, all in the house, all extroverts who claimed to know me but do not know me at all. I opened the gate and walked up to Hope, talking to her on the way. She lowered her head and I think she knew that I was very stressed and hurting during this time of my life. I went over to her withers and lay my head on her side, just leaving it there. I let my fingers twittle with her mane. She turned around to face me and I looked into her brown-amber eyes as she looked into my blue-yellow ones. It seemed completely natural to me to feel what she felt. I will try to explain it with words, as if she were speaking to me... But it did not feel that way. It was different.
"You loved me, but did not understand me. When I was injured, you cried for me, you prayed for me. You were there as much as you could be. After a while, after you saw what I could do, with my powerful body and my fear-stricken self, you strayed from me. You stopped coming to see me in the barn, but instead would pass right by me. At one point, everything I felt around you was that you were nervous. You were terrified of me. I had not meant to scare you, I was only scared myself. You did not understand me, but you did not let go of me when you were given the chance. Why? You still love me, Kara. You know that you do, but you cannot bring yourself to face your fears. You leave me to your mom to take care of. You promised you would never leave me, but you have without leaving me." It was not out of anger, but a very soft, powerful, yet not forceful at all. It was the deepest feeling of rejection and devastation. "Now you never come to see me. You want nothing to do with me. Why? I did not mean to scare you. I know that you are afraid. It will be okay. I promise." When the moment was over, I broke down crying. I held her and told her that I would not let her go, that I would not ignore her anymore. I had forgotten about this moment until now. I suppose it has always been in the back of my mind, because I always feel guilty for leaving Hope... Today was the first time I have played with her in a long time, and at first she felt very distant. She felt aggravated. She did not want to be playing with me... But toward the end, as I sang to her, as I started to enjoy being with her and getting this feeling that I would continue to play with her from now on, that I would no longer leave her alone, she seemed so content, as if the world would be alright. She followed me to the gate afterwards and I stroked her face before I left. When I did, I got a powerful feeling of... reassurance.

One of the few times I got that feeling with Cherish was this.
I was sitting on the log, with her eating grass near me. I wasn't really thinking and I wasn't really "there". I wasn't completely zoned out either, but just in a state of content. Cherish came over, touched my shoe with her nose, and stepped away again. She had eyes of worry. When she had touched my shoe, I was thinking of what would ever happen to her if I were to die before she was, or if she ended up in the wrong hands somehow. My mind thinks really fast, so she was able to get all of this very quickly. She looked back at me again, from just a couple feet away. I started to cry. Once again, it was her thoughts... As if she was speaking to me, but there were no words. It was much stronger than words. She felt very sad and worried. She "spoke" about how she would feel devastated if any of those things were to happen. She felt very disheveled. What if you were to leave? What if I could not be with you? Then the fear about something new came up. What if she had to go back? What if she went to another place like the one she had come from? She could not go back there, I could not allow her to go back there, she said. I was surprised at the fuzzy details she gave me, mainly of feelings about fear of the men who were there. She repeated some of her feelings, scattered and all over the place. I reached forward without touching her, still looking into her eyes and promised, "I will not let them do that to you, you are safe. I will protect you even if I die." I still had tears rolling down my face. Cherish came up to me and stood next to me, with her head over the log. I let the tears roll down my face. She just held her head so close to my shoulder that I could almost feel her touching me.

Another time had been with both of them. I had been riding Cherish bridleless for one of the first few times and rode her over to the gate. Hope was over there, looking at us. I began to stroke Cherish, as I often do, and she reached back and touched my toe. I received a feeling of thanks. Hope walked over with a... stressed and sad feeling on her face. I stroked her forward, giving her feelings of reassurance and calm because I knew that that was what she needed. She lifted her head up, while I was still on Cherish and just lay her head in my lap. She just picked her head up and put it across my legs, in my lap, while I was sitting on Cherish's back. She proceeded to close her eyes. Not asleep, but just... with eyes closed fully.

I do not know what to think of all of this, other than to know that I believe it and that it is all real. I feel... unsure... about sharing this with people. I think it will be good to write it on here. I do not think that I am telepathic or an animal communicator, but I believe that you can gain a certain way of "speaking to horses". You're not really speaking, you're just communicating how they communicate- with things stronger than feelings and emotions. You would have to know what I am talking about. It doesn't happen to me very often, and I do not trigger it. The horses start speaking to me first.