I believe that I am writing to nobody, but I am here to wrap up this blog. It is time enough that I have spent on here, rambling, justifying, and working through everything that I have seen. I don't really think it changed my life, unless it was that I spent too much time on it.

You see, I have learned something. Looking back does not need to be shared or documented, because the important things will most definitely be remembered. If you wish to share something with a few select people, shoot them an email, or even better, send them a letter. I love letters.

I have come here also to say though, that when it comes down to it, my relationship with my horse is not a partnership. It is not a "relationship" either. I suppose you could call it that, but that seems far too informal to me. Some of you may not know what a friendship is, but to me, the deepest friendships are things where you can feel the other's Hearte in your Hearte and you feel it no matter whether you are together or apart. For me, Cherish is a friend. A very dear friend. She has become a much bigger part of my life than I had really ever expected her to, but really... I have the friendship with my horse that I always used to dream of.

You know, I was in the field the other day with her. She only had a small string of hay twine around her neck, and we were running together. All of a sudden I stopped when a thought came to mind. I can remember passing fields in the car when I was little, and dreaming of what I would be like if I were a horse. I dreamt of all of the things that I would do and say, and I knew that I would love for my person to truly love me back, and that we wouldn't necessarily need any form of tasks. We would just love each other so much that everything would just happen. -- and I realized as I stopped that everything I had said to myself that I would be like if I were a horse was exactly what Cherish is like. And so, it is beautiful.

Our love for each other is strong. But that does not mean that everything is perfect. And I think that that is the problem - is that so many people get hung up on perfection that they forget to Love. I had forgotten to Love even. And sometimes, all the time really, Love is far more powerful than ever getting good at anything. You don't need to be able to do the perfect piaffe. You don't need to be able to do the perfect jump gymnastics combination to lead into an ascending oxer. You don't need to be able to win or even complete the fifty mile endurance race. And you don't need to be able to get your Level 4 in Parelli. Sure, they are all nice goals. But without any sort of Love or Friendship, if you reach these goals, in my mind, and certainly in the horse's mind - you still have nothing.

You cannot have anything without having Love. Respect - it is empty without love. Only compliance without love. If you have perfection - it is nothing without Love. If you have performance - it is nothing without Love. If you have your emotions mastered - it is nothing without Love.

Do you have to be married to feel Love? No. I'm certainly not, I'm only fifteen years old. Do you have to be able to be with the best and most perfected family? Ha! Our family is far from perfect. It is not about being right or correct or completing things. When you look back on your life when you are about to die, you do not see all of your accomplishments. No. You see everything that was special to your Hearte.

And so here I have realized that it is not important to have to ride. That it is not important to have to do anything. That everything needs to be taken slow, and only done with Love and with Hearte. For done any other way - whether hurried or bossed or told - is no where near as fulfilling as friendship.

If it had not been slow to learn, if it had not been slow to come, and if you had not been able to softly ask and wait for the slow answer to come, then it would not be as worth it, for it would be easy. If it were easy, it would not show how important it was. But not only would it not be important - it would not be Hearte.

A Learning Way

Julia:

"Your horse is a mirror to your soul. Sometimes you might not like what you see...Sometimes you will." -Buck Brannaman

 Do you agree? Is Sharlie a reflection of my soul? Who does Finale reflect? Is it possible it is the other way around and we reflect our horses as well?

My answer:

For the last one, it's complicated and simple. It is and isn't true. It's not that I think that the horse can't be, and it's not that I think that it is. The horse can be a reflection to your soul, but is not always. Finale and Cherish, although reflections, are different. The horse will show you who you are in their own way simply because they are each different individuals. They are all different and cannot be expected to show you and every aspect of you. They each do it differently. (Added: I have known, on occasion when the horse thinks it absolutely necessary, to show a person EXACTLY who they are, because they know that the person needs it) And yes, Sharlie is. The horse reflects you not as a whole, and not all the time - they do it while you are with them. they will show you what they do and do not like about you. (Added: If the person is extremely nervous and teaches the horse to mirror you or trains the horse their self, they can make the horse a very nervous horse. The horse will mirror people, but not always in the positive way. If the person is extremely angry, the horse will, in turn, become more aggressive in the pasture. You will see the horse beginning to mirror the more extremes even when a person isn't there. But also, if the person is an aggressive person, the horse could become an extremely nervous horse. It all really depends upon how the horse reflects the person, and who they are as an individual.) They do not always show it so accurately - but they will show you when they think that something is not quite as it should be - when it is distracted, distorted, and scattered, etc. Example, Cherish does not like Orie, but she doesn't quite mind Greg. (Our farriers) Finale doesn't like Greg, but she doesn't mind Orie. I think it really just depends upon what each horse sees in each person, and the traits that they like or don't like. (Yes! Horses have opinions!) EAch horse can teach you something different about yourself. They all have something to offer.

A Learning Way

Julia:

What is being more sensitive? What does it involve? How does one get there? Advantages/disadvantages? What about those who are becoming more sensitive but are feeling alone or lost?

My answer:

Becoming more sensitive is something that you have to find on your own. I cannot help you. It is so personal a thing that it should not be written about [in detail] because it will be different for every person.


For those becoming more sensitive but feeling alone or lost, they will have to see. It is something that, like aI said above, is a personal journey [and usually attained in young age, even if kept subconscious for many years] and that I really cannot help unless I were to see and feel the individual person. They would have to allow me to feel and see them first though, rather than being closed and lost... And they would simply have to learn enough until they realized that they were not lost. I could help the individual a little bit, but only up to a certain point.


(Added)


For each person, for each individual, the most important thing is not the help that I can give them, but really just a special friendship. The only thing that I could really offer anyone would be love and kinship, but I could only really offer them that if I chose to.


Being more sensitive, in general, is feeling, seeing, and hearing. It is knowing who you are and being able to notice and truly feel all of the small things. It is being able to look into something and say "Ahh... what beautiful memories held there." even if they are not yours. It is being able to look into someone and say "Dear, it will be alright." and know in general, if not exactly and in detail, what is wrong... Or knowing enough by looking into the person not to say that, but something else. It is being able to be comfortable enough in your own skin and in your own eyes to see things such as. But not everyone is sensitive. Not everyone can become so.


One gets there, like I said above, on their own person journey. For me, it started mainly in small things - in enjoying things that most people wouldn't notice. In dreams as well. All kinds of things. Learning from small things that most people wouldn't even notice. 


There are no true advantages and disadvantages to being sensitive, because you learn that nothing is truly "good" or truly "bad". It is all mixed and all beautiful. What you find in it is your own sight.

A Learning Way

Julia:

Becoming more expressive: What do you mean by this? What is a good example?  How can we become more expressive? Why would we want to become more expressive? How is this related to becoming more sensitive?

My answer:
Yes! Becoming more expressive! Oh, there are a thousand ways that you can show that you are becoming more expressive dear, but there are only a few ways that you are. Expressive, is expression. How do you become more expressive? Really, you just have to know who you are. For so many years, I have not been expressive, but I am finally ready to become so. ... Expressive is not jus through clothing, but through your facial and physical expressions as well. [and the general expressiveness that you allow your self to have. expressions let your self shine through - true expression anyway]  It allows you to be who you are on the outside without being afraid. Sure, when you are first becoming expressive, you may be afraid, [even petrified, as I have found myself sometimes] but after a while it becomes something that you fully dive into and love. It is something that is absolutely wonderful, and that you can't help but never come out of. Why wouldn't you want to become more expressive? Expression is beautiful, freeing, and absolutely wonderful. People who are expressive are absolutely joyful. Expression doesn't just come in clothing though, it also comes in art, in how you live your life, in how you see your day, in how you approach people. It is absolutely beautiful. And I love it. [Expression can be sad as well.] You don't necessarily have to be sensitive in order to be expressive, and it doesn't necessarily go hand in hand, but usually when you become more sensitive [if you do] you will eventually become more expressive. However, this is only if you recognize your sensitivity and allow it to shine. [and if you have it] If you simply have it, but trap it, you have very little chance of  becoming expressive, and you will continue to be more closed and "organized" than anything else. What do I mean by organized? Well, your art will be well planned out and there may even be dark lines on it, your music will have something missing from it that most people don't notice, your clothes will be fairly normal for you with all the same basic thing (example: my years of t-shirts and shorts together, and only that, shows how I have not been expressive for so long)... etc. But remember, expression is so much more than that. And for me to truly be able to get you to understand, I would have to let you see [feel] it first. Or you would have to find it.

A Learning Way

Julia:


A lot of horse people nowadays keep saying "What if?" when playing with their horses (including me!) What do you think of the power of 'What if...' ? Can it be used for good or is it just a negative thing?


My answer:

The power of "What if?" is very strong. It implies not only "what if?" but your general way of thought and your thought processes. If you can say to yourself, or if you simply and already do, say "I can!" then you're already winning. With the mindset of terrible and tragic things, your ride or your time with your horse is most likely going to be not as you hoped. 


Take, for example, the way that I typically look at my life. I know that I will always be involved with horses. I know that, at one point, I would love to have a ranch, but that that is not what really matters. What matters to me is that I do something that I love for a job, that I can have or be with a horse that is very special to me, and that I am completely spontaneous and enjoy my life fully. I know that as I grow up and have my own money, I will have my own unique style. I know that i may have to give away my horses a couple of times, but I know that they will go to great homes. I know that my life will be the best it can be simply because I am hapy with just about any way it is, as long as I am joyful. And how would I be joyful? By simply knowing that I was.


The human mind is extremely powerful in their life. If you think that your life is bad, it is. If you think that your life is good, it is. There is a man that goes to the church that my mom goes to and works there as a janitor/handi-man. He rarely gets to stop and listen to the services because he always has so much work to do. His name is Lionel. He has another job as well. whenever you approach him, he runs to you with a huge smile and throws his arms out to hug you. He says, "Mornin, mornin, mornin..." with the largest smile you've ever seen on a man. he proceeds to say that he loves you so much several times, that you are a joy to his eyes, and when you ask him how he's doing, this is what he says: "Oh, honey, work is never done, work is never done, but that's how the Lord placed me in the world, and that's how I like it. It's a beautiful day dear, a beautiful day, and boy, do I feel like singing." Lionel is not rich. He does not have family. I'm not even sure if he has a house, because he may just have living quarters in the church. But Lionel is happy. Lionel loves where he is. And quite frankly, Lionel is one of the most beautiful people I have ever met.


Going by this, we are safe to say that your outlook on life, and on everything, most definitely does affect your life. Lionel never thinks that work is too much, and Lionel never believes that he should be somewhere else in life. He is happy where he is. If you are constantly saying to yourself, "What if... this happens and it all goes wrong?" It will definitely all go wrong, but maybe not the way you thought that it would. Your inner self will become more and more nervous, more and more negative, and over time, you will become more and more withdrawn from yourself. Your self is beautiful, and you need to live it to the fullest! It is all that you need to do... And "What ifs" are not always bad.... You could say to yourself, "What if I could do this?" But the important thing is, is that it'snot the just what if that matters. It's the fact that you ask yourself, you know that you can, and you have faith that with YOU as the guide of your life, with some help from others (and if you are spiritual/religious, whoever your leader is) along the way, it will happen.

A Learning Way

Julia:

The horse reflects the human and the human reflects the horse. With joy, anger, tension, emotions, memories...? (By adding a question mark to the end, I am asking for your reflection on that and your comment.)

My answer:

Remember Julia, always listen to and learn from your horse.

This can happen often times.......BUT........it's different. Typically, horses only mirror people's emotions when they are trying to send them a message. If you understand your horse and you can hear your horse and listen to your horse, and you are feeling some emotion, most likely you will also be fairly balanced. It seems like all of these things pretty much go hand in hand with animals. It is mainly the unbalanced and distorted or hidden emotions that make the horse show you something. If you are frustrated, and acting as if you are, but you are truly nervous in underneath out of complete and utter fear, the horse will show you the complete and utter fear that you hold, and will also become slightly nervous itself. Horses have this thing that tells them not to trust anything that denies its true emotions - because these creatures tend to be very unpredictable and taunting. They think they're on top, and that they know all through logic and that they can conquer all through simple means - and that is exactly the problem with humans.

Tension is something that results from distorted, unbalanced, or hidden emotions. If you are nervous, you can still be nervous and hold no tension. Sometimes I become nervous, but never do I become tense. this is because I am completely truthful with myself about my nervousness, the gravity and weight of it, why I'm nervous, and how long it's been there..... etc etc. You will only gain tension from having facades and whatnot and being unbalanced. Tension is created from incongruent "innerds", as Ray Hunt would say, of the human.

Adding more...

As you can see from the picture above, this horse and person most definitely have emotions of their own. The girl is very quiet, but waiting for the horse nonetheless. She wants to gain friendship of the horse, and by lowering her head acknowledges, accepts, and admits her small self. Yes, she is humble - something that is often thought of as terrible, even by the kindest of horsemen, for its lack of dominance and hierarchy. I am sure we have all witnessed at least one instance in our lives where a tall man enters a field of horses, and sends them all scattering, especially the one he is seeking out to train or ride... once he gives up, a small person (whether small adult or child) who is very gentle and kind will enter the paddock. They will sit or stand, not waiting for the horses to approach but simply enjoying the beauty of watching them. Soon, the horses will be around them, happy for the company. Even the horse who seemed to run away, so terrified, will approach this gentle person happily.

And here we see that not only do horses read emotions extremely easily, but intentions as well. Horses may join with you and share your emotion if they think best - but they may also do something else. If they themselves are not sure what to do, they will without a doubt take off of the tension and emotions of the humans and horses around them. Why do you think that often, the young horses are trained to be ponied by an older, more experienced horse before they ever learn to accept a rider, or in many cases are simply backed, because it seems that very few people actually care whether or not the horse truly accepts. This Arabian - a breed that is often associated with being hot, scattered, and flighty - is quietly snuffling this small girl's face. And it makes us stop and wonder - is it the horse? Or is it the person?

We always have to be paying attention and listening - both to ourselves, our horse, and the world.

Today, I went out after planning to ride Cherish and knowing exactly where we were going to go. I was so focused on what we were going to do, even where we were going to have what transitions of gait, that I unfortunately chose not to live in the moment.

I walked up to Cherish with halter in hand, completely anticipating what we were going to do. At first, she followed me, but as I began to roll out everything that we were going to do to her, she lost interest, shrugged, and left. At first, I began to wonder why she hated my idea. Then I began to take it personally, that maybe she just didn't want to be with me. Of course, all of this was quite the dramatic. I did end up getting her to the barnyard, but a second before she did so, I knew that she was going to pull away and trot off. I didn't have her lead on yet, but hey ho... she did.

To make a long story short, I eventually got so frustrated with trying to get her to follow me (which she usually will) that I said to her in my head, very exasperated, "Fine! I failed today, you win, would you like to go back to the pasture now?" Much to my dismay, her face was not smug as I had imagined it would be - but knowing and even slightly sad, the tender kind of sad. She told me that this would teach me something, something important.

I began rolling different things through my head, having myself (conscious) trying to talk to myself (subconscious) and my self or soul. The first two began to converse and relate quite easily, and began to figure things out and learn things... They began to pull things from my head of past teachers or past experiences that had taught me, but neither of them had come up with an answer. My self finally pitched in as both of the other two were running out of gas. It wanted to go read The Shack. I complied, not really having a problem with it and figuring that it would give me a break from all of that thought.

The section that I read next in the book was about how humans had dropped to such a level that rather than love things, they were always fighting for power and a vague sort of independence that was not independence at all. It began to stroll through the park of freedom, and gardens, and how everything beautiful is beautiful - and that nothing is good or bad. It put the impression upon me that I had been trying so hard to get everything right, get everything good, and get everything to be perfect and train Cherish just the way that I wanted her to be trained... that I had forgotten to love, to be with, to know is beautiful, to be open and enjoy.

I sat there for a few more moments in wonder of what I had learned today from this little book that I had originally carried a very small amount of faith in. But look here - everything can teach you something, can it not?

Love.

A Learning Way

Julia:


What is dancing with horses to you?

My answer:


To me, dancing with horses is complete freedom. It is not having any thought or holding back. It is your dance and the horse's dance mixed together. It is movement without thought or time or stress. It is complete lightness, connection, and expression. It is letting go while holding on. It is being in the moment completely, but with another being. It is having strength in both of you and being able to do everything you feel like without holding back. Truly, more than anything, it is letting both of your spirits fly together and letting the physical play out because of the spirit and the soul of the two mixing together.
One day, I will dance with horses.

My continuation:


Dancing with horses will never be so much about the technique, but more about the dance itself. It is a very graceful thing, the dance with horses, but it is also very interpersonal. You would have to be able to know your self so well, and to know your horse so well - but not just by personalities. You would need to go deeper than soul-level with your horse, and be able to truly connect. Connection is one of the first steps for being able to dance - but before then, we have to be able to be quiet. And listen.

To dance with horses would mean that you are already free.

Julia:

"Don't be afraid to connect, but don't wish to connect so hastily that you toss it away.

Care to explain in more detail please?

My answer:

Hehe. This is just about being not so unsure about yoruself, because you can connect. But not wishing so much, because connecting is something that comes. If you wish for it too much, it goes away. Connecting is connecting. In mind, heart, soul, and body. It is where you touch each other's heart with hand and hoof, yet when you do not join because you are still two distinct, independent, beautiful beings.

My continuation:

With this "connection" that I speak of, you can do almost anything with the horse - but the moment that you expect your horse to do everything you wish through connection, you have already failed, because you have taken away your recognition of your horse's independence.

A Learning Way

Julia:

Rider Attitude. "I strongly believe that a rider's attitude is more important than his or her raw skill. The best technical rider in the world will limit a horse's potential if his or her attitude doesn't recognize and honor the horse's individuality or isn't flexible enough to work with the horse." -Linda Tellington-Jones

What is your opinion of a rider's attitude?

My answer:

My opinion of a rider's attitude, or any person even just being with a horse, makes a huge amount of difference. I think it does go deeper than attitude though - it's not just the emotions that you're feeling as the present, in response to something, but it also matters who you are and how all of the levels of your emotions are. (Example) Chuck (someone I know) met a lady who had horses, and abruptly asked to meet them. He has recently found a love for them, not riding them, just being with them, stroking them, and walking around with them - which is just fine. The woman took him to the horses, but warned him not to count on one of them coming up, as it had been abused by men and hated all of them, and bit and struck people "randomly" when they weren't doing anything. He said, "Oh that's fine, we'll see." When he approached the fence, one of the horses galloped over to him, stuck its head in his hand, and nickered at him over and over, then began to lightly touch him all over with his nose, just ever so carefully pressing it against his cheeks, the top of his head, his shoulders, his arms.... As if he were kissing him. Chuck giggled to himself, then turned to the woman and asked if this was one of her friendlier horses. She stood, dumbstruck. She responded that that was the horse who would not stand to be touched, who hated men, who bit people and struck them. Chuck is an amazingly happy man, who lets his emotions come fairly freely and has a humorous outlook on life. He does laugh a lot, he loves to make people happy, and he's like a big hilarious teddy bear. The horse loved him because of who he was and how he looked at life. In comparison, I have met "professional" trainers whose horses will run away from them, strike out at them, and find anyway to get away from them or make them miserable even when they are known for their soft nature around children. These people are typically either very cold or very distorted - "incongruent" in their emotions, as Linda Kohanov would say. They typically only want to take advantage of both the horse and person involved.


Adding more... We have to remember that certain horses will respond to upset and unbalanced emotions or people in different ways. Typically, the more large and dominant you try to be, the more the horses will try to avoid you. When you embrace your emotions as you feel them, and you recognize that in comparison, you are a very fragile creature, and most of all, you don't wish to take advantage of the horse but to be with them... The horse will readily accept your company.


I have watched many people fall when they start to worry if they will fall... Or have even had horses run off with me, but only when I begin to worry of whether or not they won't. It's not what I'm worrying about that makes them do exactly that, it is the building fear and irritation at myself that will help the horse to run away from all of my tumbling emotions. I have been fortunate enough to experience the tumbling feelings of emotions of people first hand, and it's never too pretty if they just continue on and let it get worse, or the most terrible ...trying to hide it and shrink it into a little box. The more open we are with ourselves, the more open the horse will become with us.

A Learning Way

Julia:

What is body language?

My answer:

Body language is something that can be very exaggerated or very precise. It shows the emotion and energy which we carry and just further increases the connection - especially when it's always consist and completely pure. It shows whether we are stressed, emotionally pressured, or whether we have been beaten (metaphorically and literally). It shows scars, inward and outward, and freedoms, also in and out. It connects the inner world with the outer world. [especially for those who need help doing so] Body language further encourages you to have a conversation with your horse. It ends up with extreme lightness, with everything of soft, of joy, and is the reflection of what is inside. Your body language should be just as truthful as your emotions are. If you are so joyful and excited that you feel the instant need to run, do so! If you are sad, don't be ashamed to sit on the ground and slump your shoulders and cry. Body language is not just a signal, but an expression. [of who we are and how we feel inside]

A big part of showing gratitude and independence that both my horse and I share is not scratches or treats as said previously, but giving them just as much freedom and leadership as I have. I never try to "dominate" my horses - dominating in the traditional way or even the natural way is damaging to both you,your horse, and the relationship and connection between you. No, instead of dominate, I wish to share. Never do my horses try to overpower me because they have no reason to. We have a mutual respect, a shared independence, and they can leave at any time. None of it is personal if they leave - it does not hurt my feelings. If they pin their ears, they are simply showing me something that I had not noticed at the subtler phase - but I can't remember the last time that happened. [I wrote that before this morning - if you want to see the story behind it, go to Day 13.] If you truly listen to the quiet whispers of your horse, through body language and connection, there will be no reason for it to get to that point. You will have such understanding for each other that you will only need a rope for safety or for your own confidence. Once you are confident enough to change to liberty, it will already be there. I allow myself to have complete freedom with my horse, and in turn my horses have complete freedom. [giving it to me as well.] I allow myself to have complete balance of emotions. But what is balance of emotions? Balance of emotions is not being happy or calm or excited [etc] all the time - it is simply allowing yourself to feel every emotion that comes up. I allow myself freedom of movement, of heart, of soul, of emotion, of thought, of feel, of connection, of space....... Everything. With my freedom, there is not question that the horse would have it or not. Just allow it to happen, allow yourself to be spontaneous at the first wish from you. Have trust in yourself. You may be better than you think.

[I am not claiming that I am able to grasp this all the time - in fact, I am just as human as any of you, and I do screw up on occasion. But this is what I am when I allow myself to flow - free. And my horses are, in turn, fre as well. You can tell the difference.]

I also have to say something about verbal commands or comments other than simply speaking with your horse to help you to do it connectively, admitting something to them and yourself, or thanking them. When you scold yoru horse verbally, you are often not actually aggravated at your horse - you are aggravated at yourself, nervous, frustrated at the situation or your lack of knowledge, or just done for the day. If something is bothering you, you never scold your horse - this just further makes it worse. Not because you scolded, but because in the scolding, you completely denied yourself of feeling your emotion that actually means something. The meaning behind your emotion. Also, when you tell your horse to trot.... Your horse already knows how to trot without your rambling mouth of your literal mouth or your mental mouth. The more you allow your literal mouth, the more likely you are actually to have frizzled thoughts. If you just quietly and calmly ask for it while connected, and then use slight body language, and then slowly further ..... your horse will be very appreciative. Horses are quiet creatures for a reason. They are speakers only to those who listen and listeners more to those who are willing to listen rather than those who speak jibber jabber constantly.

What else was I going to say...

Oh! Yes! Body language. More about it.

Body language is not repeated movements. Body language is not the Driving Game, and it's not constant tapping or asking. It's not the porcupine game. It is the gestures and expressions you make to the horse through your physical body. There is truly only use in body language if you have the correct emotion and feeling behind it. If you're asking your horse to move over, and you are nervous and unsure about your asking, they won't do it. YOu always must be confident, calm, quiet, and unquestioning of your own leadership - or it will not work. And how do you do that? Sometimes, all you have to do is to let your horse be the leader first. You have to listen. The more you become confident in their leadership, themore you may borrow their confidence and then [eventually develop the capacity to] become confident in yours.

DayThirteen

This morning, Julia and I ended up waking up around 7 AM. Today is the last day, so it calls for a "celebration" of sorts, except for not really, we're just going to stay up late making s'mores around the fire.

I walked over to Cherish, who was now in the barnyard eating the hay in under the overhanging roof. She greeted me happily and reluctantly followed me away from the delicious hay... which she seems to get her face in whenever she can. My mom was tacking up Hope, both seeming quite happy. As I spoke to her, I dropped Cherish's lead and let her wander off towards the ash circle (firepit). I imagined her for a moment, dancing in reds and yellows and golds around the fire, with me... we wandered off into the grasslands then, and her paint transitioned to goldens, tans, and greens. As we made our way into the forest with the fireflies, her colors turned to blue and light green and dark brown and white, as we danced in under the trees. They were only glimpses of us dancing, me painted similar to her, with that one little fleck of white on the inside of my right wrist, the one little spot just near the line between my wrist and hand on the left side, and a star painted on my forehead. The tips of my ears were painted black, as were the bottom of my legs and arms. Both of us had wonderful colorful designs on us.... I popped back into this world, not any more at peace than I had been before. I found myself this morning to be very nervous and on edge, after having a series of dreams that had disturbed me, but that I could now not quite recall. 

Cherish and I walked into the gate, and as my hand brushed against the smooth but cold metal, I saw once again that beautiful wooden twisted and entwined gate that would be at the front of my land. I had burned it to a certain degree and soaked it in some type of liquid in order to make it flexible, then twisted it, crafted it and

Day Twelve

Today, I had quite the uneventful morning. I got up late, then went outside, took Cherish out of her stall, and turned her into the barnyard. I had played with her for a little bit and then realized that my stomach was running wild through the towns and burning them all, splintering large bridges as if they were popsicle sticks. After I ate some left over pasta, I anxiously but tiredly went back outside. There would be no way that I would have enough energy to do that much this morning. The air was already filling with heat, so I decided to just sit with Cherish in the little shade available - behind the barn. We enjoyed each other's company until it was time to go back up to the house.

In the afternoon, we took Julia to Lupi's pizza restaurant, where we had wonderful pizza. For most of the time there, Julia and I wrote and drew on napkins with pens. Much of it was about Rafik, a small rose grey Arabian colt who was sent from Mercy Stables to training at Heritage Farms.

For the evening, I decided that I wanted to do something slightly different from usual. I walked up to Finale confidently and anticipating the play. I had turned Cherish out in the barnyard to graze, as I didn't want her to have to stand in her stall another few hours while I went with Finale.

Finale and I trotted, danced, walked, backed, moved.... we flowed. We were free, for the time being, very expressive and joyful. This is like my way of painting with horses, painting the world and the dance. We had an absolutely wonderful time, and by the end we were so in sync and connected that it was amazing. When I dance with Finale, it is okay to not be so connected at the beginning and then let it gradually grow until we are

Day Eleven

This morning, Julia's mom was coming. I was slightly anticipative as to how her visit would go, and also a bit nervous. I wasn't sure what she would want to see us do, or if she would want to talk about uncomfortable subjects for hours on end... But I ended up really enjoying her visit. It's funny, I get nervous every time somebody is coming, but once they get there I seem to be able to melt right in.

I had Cherish's halter and 12' line out. I began to make my way out of the gate, secretly hoping that I would have some time to walk around with just her and me before the others came out. I realized that my hope was not going to come true as Julia and Sharlie began to quickly make their way down the hill. Oh well. I enjoyed their company anyway. Hope and my mom came out just after they did.

I watched across our whole back field on the ground, letting the other four girls ride with each other. I didn't care to get on just yet, and I knew that neither of us were ready to ride with each other. I decided that I would wait.

Some time down the gravely pathway, Julia turned in her saddle and asked me if I was going to get on her yet. I had to look away from he land of particulars and small beauties that I had been staring at and puzzle for a moment over what she had just said. Finally coming to realization of what she was asking, I promptly said no and continued walking along my way. I think she found it slightly comical, that I would go on a trail ride and then walk on the ground for part of the way. But I think she found it fairly normal for me. No matter, because I enjoyed it.

Just as we were rounding the turn, I saw some beautiful feather grass over to the left. I whole heartedly led

A Learning Way

Julia:


Why do you not use treats to train horses? Are there exceptions?

Kara:


I don't use treats to train my horses because my main focus is the connection, the relationship, the friendship, the quality of my inner "horsechild" and my self at the moment. Even though people say that it is okay to use treats as an incentive and not as a bribe, I still would not use them for my own horses. To give horses incentive by treats is, to them, very shallow. I will try and explain all of the reasons that I do not like treats fairly organized, but no promises. To connect and let them feel your true thanks, pride, and joy of the connection with each other, the true freedom that comes from it (if there) is far better than giving them a treat to "reward" your horse. This is similar to having a child do something and giving them a piece of candy or a sticker without any other type of recognition. Let's say the child has just saved a butterfly from a cat, and you

A Learning Way

Julia:

What are emotions in humans vs. horses or plants? 

My answer:

All animals have different levels of emotions. All creatures, really. Emotions go extremely deeply. Extremely. You can only really learn the depth of it as you experience it more. Humans tend to have very shallow emotions, very flat emotions - but they have the ability to have much deeper emotions though, because it has been bred again and again to not have deeper emotions. I do believe that it is partially genetics, and partially your soul, and partially your fate and you rmeaning for life. As it begins to become necessary to become sensitive, you will..... unless you were born without the capacity to. Unfortunately, there are people who are like so. It is extremely unfortunate. But true. [One of my theories for the reasons is this: the ancient people only had some medicine men and shaman, some sorcerers, who were all extremely extremely sensitive. Then they had a lot of warriors, which were very sensitive. Then they had artists, who were sensitive. Then they had farmers, who weren't. Another theory that I have is that over time, as it has become more and more unacceptable for somebody to be sensitive, it has become a trait to breed the lack of sensitivity within humans

A Learning Way

Julia:

What are emotions?

My answer:

Emotions are very beautiful. They can be clear or unclear. There is no set definition of emotions. An emotion is something that is connected through all, but really, to connect them, there is something else. I may as well call it "energy". Let's say this "energy can connect all emotions. But not only can it connect emotions - it also connects thoughts, pictures, feelings, etc. Emotions are really just a small part of it, something that a living creature holds... OR something that a living creature has impressed upon a nonliving thing. These impressed upon emotions are what I tend to call "shadow emotions" because they are a shadow of a time of the creature that left it there. This is why some houses are easier to sell than others: some may be filled with joy, while others had been filled with complete chaos when they were lived in previously. Houses, buildings, art, etc can also take on the emotion or the feeling of the person who created it.

I still didn't explain what emotions are... Hmm.... They hold memories within them, the emotions. They are feelings and... hmm... Let me break this into categories.

[I went on to break it in to categories for Julia, but I really didn't like those, because emotions are not something that you should consciously break into categories. They are abstract, and beautiful the way they are. There's no reason to classify or organize them. And that's that.]

but it is better not to hide any of the emotions from you. Really, they are all emotions. There are differences between [them all] though. But these are only the very simple [categories]. You can never put emotions into a logical thing. They are very abstract things, and it is better that you learn what they are yourself so that you understand them better.

You must be quiet enough to hear the voices of those watching, for their songs and their voices are whispers on the wind, and their hearts simply there within the air. You must be willing to slow in order to learn, and to be open to the things which present themselves before you.

Day Nine

This morning, Julia and I had a hard time waking up. When I finally did wake, it was from my mom beating on my window - I would be worried if I hadn't woken up then. Sleep was gone from my mind by the time I got out the door. My heart searched for the feel of the ride before we were riding, and I saw several glimpses of us riding.

I will list only my favorite parts of the trail ride- so here we go.

We walked along the trail, down a slight hill through the valley. Cherish, being who she is, wished to walk off of the path - I obliged, and actually enjoyed being on the grass rather than the dry dirt. A ditch and a giant briar patch was coming up, so we sidestepped off of the grass and onto the trail fairly easily. After a few moments, I felt a slight hitch and awkward movement in her gate. I was able to pinpoint it immediately, but waited a few seconds before actually getting off to make sure that it was actually a rock. She let me know that there was a rock there, and that it was very uncomfortable. I hopped off of her back, picked up her foot, and began scraping at some dirt next to her frog. My mom conveniently had a little carry on hoofpick that unfolded, so she let me use it. As I got the rock out, she continued to try and step away to eat grass. I began to get so frustrated that every time I asked her not to, she would continue... So, I popped her face by taking the line and pulling on it. At the moment, I was so frustrated that I didn't notice the guilt that sat at the bottom of my stomach.

I was able to easily hop back up onto her back, but she was a bit irritated at me from that pop. I started to

Day Seven

This morning, when I went out to play with Cherish, I didn't feel one bit bad for leaving Finale in her pasture as I have on previous days. I decided that I would get as much time to play with both of them as I good, and that would be the time that I ended up spending with them.

I was able to get Cherish to do a slow figure 8 at the walk without actual obstacles to guide her, because I was going mainly off of body language. She was able to do it just fine, but she had this look on her face that stated simply that she was not stupid, that she could do the same thing by herself, but that she would never do it by herself because it was completely boring. I have never truly liked the patterns, which is why I changed their names to "Abstract Designs", only to be done once you and the horse are already connected and focused and able to do such a thing.... with flow and lightness and expression and ease and a chance that at any moment you will completely abandon the thing at hand and go on to do something far more freeing if it becomes more of a task than a... possibility.

After playing for a bit more, I wanted to try and see if Cherish would mirror me... We started out with mirroring walk steps, then trot steps, and finally rounding of the back. Cherish did round her back with some effort, and at first her face expression was strained, but once she realized that there was far more lightness and ease when there was a rounded back and she began to soften, I let her feel it for a few more steps before dropping it and going to eat grass. I thought that this was really neat - the problem is, her top line is very weak. Today, I started the Journey to Roundness. We went up and down tons of hills under saddle and later trotted around on hills on the ground. Her back had improved within today and yesterday,

Day Six

Today, when I finally got out of the shower in the morning, it was time to move the pedestal to the arena for Julia so that she could practice with it in there at Liberty. The backfield was beautiful once I stepped out of the truck, although already getting warm and with a bright orange sun beginning to raise over the east ridge. Interestingly enough, I found out recently that it's called "Great Something (I can't remember the word) Mountain" even though it's truly only a ridge/hill.

Once we got the pedestal into the arena, I went to go play with Cherish. To tell the truth, I remember absolutely nothing of what I did until I got on her. For the most part, we just ate grass together with me on her back, being together in a calm way. It was very nice to stand there with her, just to be with her. Eventually, Julia and my mom came over, where we talked about things mostly relating to horses.

Later in the afternoon, we began to make t-shirts - or I made t-shirts while they watched. It wasn't like my mom or Julia could really help, as I had pretty much completely taken it upon myself to create the t-shirts, which I absolutely love for each one of us. Each of us has a different horse face on the front, with "Back to the Herd" written somewhere on the front in pretty lettering. Julia's t-shirt shows a patient, quiet, wise horse (more of a pony - compact and short) with simplistic lined features and a rain drop shaped star on its face. His name was Solo. My mom's t-shirt shows an expressive, humorous, adventurous, spirited Haflinger with flowing, artistic and creative lines and a rounded blaze down his face. His name is Montagne, which is mountain in French. My t-shirt shows a wise, deep, quiet and prideful stallion with detailed, contrasting shades and lines and an intricate mane and forelock pattern with a fairly straight, but more fading, blaze on his face. His eyes are large and knowing. So far, he does not have a name. Each t-shirt was special to each person, and I was very glad that I was able to create them for us.

In the evening, it rained and the wind blew hard. I only went out to see the horses and take care of them then. I remember that I really enjoyed spending time with the horses even though I had really wanted to finish the t-shirts, but I don't have any specifics to offer. They have all been forgotten.

Day Five

I headed out with Cherish to the backfield. I had actually planned on playing with Finale first, but my mom ended up taking her out to the pasture before I could say much. We trotted around a bunch and did some circling game, with more relaxation than usual. Since I do my circling games differently than most Parelli people, it's a bit of experimentation, but I enjoy it as such. Unfortunately I cannot remember most of the details from our play session, but the important thing that I remember is that both of us had fun and were connected even though I was rather tired.

Horses never focus so much on meticulous details, but they do notice the abstract details such as the environment, the emotions, the feelings and the senses, the connections, etc. These are all things that I tend to notice more as well. To get more out of it, such as what we actually did step by step, you would either have to video me or I would have to write it as I went along. Each memory, for me, tends to stay so fresh for a while that it has no chronological order, and as I put more and more thoughts between that and the time of now, all I end up remembering is the important things. The abstract things.

I headed up to get Finale, because I had promised her that I would play with her when I ran out of time the night before. She walked up to me eagerly, with the brightest face on. I slipped the halter off of Cherish and stroked her neck twice, then approached Finale as she approached me. I was standing there talking to my mom and stroking Finale, while Cherish stood at the water trough with water dripping off of her bottom lip. I truly can't remember what we were talking about then, but I remember seeing Julia beginning to become aggravated at Sharlie again (or hear and feel her rather, I really could not see her) and was about to yell at her to relax or get creative or something, rather than focus so much on the circle. Right as I opened my mouth, Finale asked Cherish to move over ... and all of a sudden, Cherish had had enough. She has been more and

Day Four

Today, I ended up not getting out to the barn until about 7 am. The sleep in left me very refreshed and ready to go. I went and got Cherish, ignoring most of the details that I would usually pay attention to as I was remembering everything that we had gone over last night. I was planning on teaching Cherish the Parelli Patterns, which I now call Abstract Designs, with ease and flow. I reminded myself of this as I walked out to the barn.

When I brought Cherish into the arena, I went straight for the cones. We did some figure 8 around the two cones, with little success on the "flow" part. I was not using my body language, nor was I employing lightness, nor was I really mentally into it. Both of us were extremely bored. I went over to the barrels, to try figure 8 there. Cherish walked one Figure 8 around. For one moment, I thought "Wouldn't it just be so much more interesting to do Touch It? The moment after I thought that, Cherish stepped forward, put her hoof on the barrel and chewed on the edge. I had to laugh at her sense of humor. "So can we stop the Figure 8s now?" Cherish asked. I shrugged, and decided that that was fine. If we weren't enjoying it now, why would we enjoy it in a few minutes, after we had already worked on it for a while? What was the point of doing something if, at the moment, it was completely boring? I made a note to myself to figure out how to make it exciting.... energy!

In order to bring both of our energies up, as we were both lagging slightly by now, Julia and I went to smack the carrot sticks on the barrels... we had seen Linda doing it before, but I had never actually tried it. The harder I smacked the carrot stick on the barrel, and the more times, the more bored and tired I became... I

Day Three

Julia and I decided to go for a walk with Sharlie and Cherish. We talked about a lot of things, and I listened to a lot of things. The grass rolled over the land beautifully, tall and abstract, reaching about to my shoulders. There was a patch of a fuzz plant off a bit in the distance, all white. Its fluff was outlined with golden lit edges from the beautiful sunlight which smiled and streamed down upon us. The tree branches of the nearby tree swayed just a bit, appearing extremely delicate in the wind. I smiled at Julia. There were deer ahead, readying to cross the road. I wondered if they would stop, being unafraid of us, or if they would run off.

There are many things that I experience throughout the day, through listening, feeling, being open, hearing, seeing, etc (except for all in a much deeper manner) that I do not include on my blog simply because it is something very special to me and very close to my heart. The reason I say this now is because of what the deer said and opened to me as they were on the road - and as a reminder to everyone simply to be open to the world, or at least to the idea of the world having much more depth than you have originally believed or been informed about.

As we crossed the road and made our way to the path, I kept anticipating the beautiful and short feather grass that I had seen there a few weeks ago. Unfortunately, it was now all tall, but tall feather grass in my opinion is just as beautiful. Julia and I quietly made our way to the water-soaked area, where the tree line was. As we approached, I felt a presence there that I had only felt once before recently but could not remember where. There, sitting in the mud, was a little turtle friend. His similarity to the turtle that Aubrey and I had found and transported to a muddy area had made me smile.

The continuation of our walk led to my mom walking towards us with Finale. Finale's ears were pricked, head up, ready to let out a bugling trumpet noise at any moment. Her expression made me think of the horses in my dreams, with that comical humor of really alert and expressive emotion. I laughed at her as we made our way towards them, only quietly.

With help, my mom is becoming more and more open and joyful around the horses. Each time she becomes more open and more joyful, they become more open, more willing, and more expressive when around her. Where I previously would have secretly frowned upon her being with Finale, (for reasons of trying to reach such a balance and lightness and calm and openness with Finale that were not quite possible when she was around someone so stressed) I now enjoy seeing them together. I believe that, after camp, I may surprise her (my mom) with something, but we will see.

Once all back at the barn, we went on to have our listening day. I was unsure of whether or not Julia and my mom would really get the gist of it, but I shrugged and figured that if they didn't, at least I would, and at least they would spend undemanding time with their horses.

Most of what I learned and heard and felt and connected to during the listening day was very private and important to me, so I will not be sharing it on the internet or even with Julia. It was something that will change both my life and those lives who I meet in the upcoming years. It will open something that has been closed for a long time.

This goes back to something that Carolyn Resnick says that humans have a hard time connecting with horses because they do not truly know how to connect. While horses are fully open about absolutely everything, humans often hide things or conceal things from each other for the "safety", protection, or the convenience of their own mind. With horses, I always try to be completely open and upfront with everything that I am, think, feel, believe, picture, and do. I try not to hide anything from them, and when I first started doing that, it was a real struggle. Now, my openness to both horses and the world comes much more easily and continues to open more every day. I would encourage people to become really open with the world, with horses or any animal, but only with a few select people or even one person. You need to be able to not only trust that person, but also trust that they will understand and appreciate the fact of what you are telling them and that it is something very important to you.

After hanging out at the barn for a bit longer, the heat began to get to us and so we retreated inside.

In the evening, I was all ready to give my balance lesson to both of the girls. My excitement may or may not have transferred to them as I went through everything that I could possibly do.

I get a thrill off of teaching people when I feel that the lesson is actually helping, so this was my time to shine. I had hoped to actually give both of them a lesson on Listening previous to the Listening Day, but I had completely forgotten all of the creative ways I was going to do that before I had the chance. No matter - I think it's better to learn to listen by yourself than have someone trying to teach you. Both of them are sensitive, brilliant individuals who will learn how to listen one day.

I had Julia and my mom stand on the barrels, which were on their sides. They had a bit of a hard time at first, but each of them seemed to get more balance after a bit. I tried to get my mom to walk down the length of the poles, as I have done it before while poles are in the grass or in places with a lot of footing.... But with our flat dirt arena, the pole rolled out from under her and she fell straight on her side. She had actually been doing really well with her balance, which just proves to say that I should have been more cautious and thought about it. It would have at least helped if I had held her hand as she walked down the poles, then if they had begun to move she would be able to catch herself on me.

Caution is something that I have had to learn to gain, in some places learning the lesson a little too well. I always try to have caution with horses, but by this I only mean knowing boundaries. If you are with horses and constantly wondering what could go wrong and how you should be doing it in order to keep you safe, you will make an unconfident person (you) and an unconfident horse.

After that bit of a mishap, we went on to lay on barrels across our stomachs to try to gain balance that way. That one was a bit challenging at first, even for me, because your head so much outweighs your feet. You have to be able to find a place where you go into a very relaxed state, let your core sink to the ground, and let your feet and head levitate right about at the same place. It paid off though, because after that it seemed like I could stand even better.

By having both of the girls try and use their core to find their balance and straighten their posture, even while being face down on top of a barrel, would have helped their balance upon the horse. Even when you are on your horse, you have to be able to let your core sink to the grown so that you can truly melt and mold into the horse's gait. If you are simply on top of the horse, no matter how fluid you try to become, you will never be truly "one with the horse" in movement if your core does not sink towards the earth.... towards where all of your energy is grounded and whole.

I began to flow with my movements, while standing. We were sitting there, "dancing" like some slight lunatics, but having all of the fun doing it. The air started to flow around my arms and the energy of the earth up my legs and the energy of my core down to the earth and connecting with all things. My mind flowed, busy thoughts were expelled from my head, and I was able to move without any tension or restraint. I demonstrated this for both my mom and Julia as an example of what you should truly look like and feel like all the time. I helped them find their flow while standing on the ground, only hoping that they would then be able to take their flow to the saddle. Both of them, while finding their flow, also let out much of their stress, distorted emotions, and contradicting feelings. In flowing in their movements and taking their core to the ground, they were also able to take their flow into their energy, mind, and heart.

I often find myself in a situation where I am easily able to lose my constant flow, in which I then have to go into a place that I am comfortable and be able to grasp it again. It is a great balance, being able to have flow within chaos and chaos within flow - in the sense that no flow is at all sensical and that there is always slight chaos in the world of humans. You have to be able to unlearn everything you have learned about movement.

Finally, it was time for them to get on. Both of them seemed slightly nervous and anticipative now that the thought was directly in their minds. Without truly being able to soothe them any further, but with trusting that they knew they could get off at any time, and should if it came to the point. (which I would tell them if they did not) 

Julia was very tense in her upper back/shoulders, while my mom was more tense in her lower back/hips. I tried to get them both to flow with their horse fluidly without thinking too much of their actual fluidity. I had them do the "flow dance" upon their horses, and I also had them follow me a bit. I asked them to give their horses a purpose so that their horses would go into a flowing movement and that they would hopefully follow, along with following the purpose. Several times, each of them lost flow because of having to correct their horses in the way that they were moving.... so I took one horse's reins at a times, letting both of my mom and Julia be on the horse without worrying about where the horse was going long enough so that they could find their natural movements again.

By taking the reins, both of them lost the worry that kept them from being able to sink their core to the earth and find their natural movements. The more busy thoughts that we have in our heads, the less we are able to actually come to a higher consciousness, bring our core to the earth, and be smooth in both our emotions, body movements and language, and thoughts. Without being able to let go of the busy and distrustful worries of everyday life, you will not be able to "naturally move".

I turned around once to see Julia trotting Sharlie. My heart sank. Both of them looked slightly aggravated, and both very tense. I thought to myself then, "Sometimes it is better to be happy with the wonderful small things than get the things you want with little to back it up." Julia realized quickly that that was not what she had wanted. Both my mom and Julia went out of the arena shortly after that.

I went to get Finale, hoping to ride her. Even though she was distracted and I was slightly nervous, (not nervous about riding her directly - nervous because I was conflicting, knowing that I should not ride her but that I was going to anyway) I decided to ride anyway. (strike number one) When I got on, I hadn't done any playing with her on the ground. (strike number two) I decided that today, I did not want to take it slowly, so instead of using the weight aids and connection that I have been teaching her to be ridden with, I would just use the reins and my legs. (strike number three - and you're already out of the game.) After a bit, I decided that I would trot her some - so I squeezed her forward. (strike number four - I don't squeeze, I use weight aids) She rocketed forward, shocked by being squeezed between my legs, at a trot. She was going straight for the garden that my mom and I had spent hours and hours and days and weeks on. I yanked her head to the side (strike number five - never yank on the horse's head, and I try not to use the reins) and kicked her on the left side. (strike number six - never kick your horse, and I try not to even use my legs, so that was an utter failure) I landed above her withers and to the side, on her neck and shoulders as she did a rolling crow hop to the side. She was already scared, and didn't know why I was doing all of these things, and I was unbalancing her, about to make her fall. She rolled her neck one more time so that I just kind of slipped off. My leg flipped over her side, and I landed on my left hip. Once I fell off, she was apologetic and sorry, but she told me that I deserved it as well. I agreed with her, because I had made all the bad decisions. I don't take it personally if you're unbalancing, scaring, and mistreating a horse and they go just to get you off, just enough. It was not a disrespectful dump - it was simply a "That's enough now, I tried to tell you earlier, and now I can't stand straight." She stayed with me for a minute or two before walking a bit away. She knew that I wasn't in pain, but she continued to watch me out of her eye anyway. I sat there and began to cry.

I took Finale to the pasture, out in the corner, where no one would follow me. I begin to laugh and cry and smile all at the same time, because I had been so foolish and because I was now learning so much.... through both my thoughts and a certain connection. I will not tell that much of what I learn, because once again, like earlier that day, it was simply a private and independent connection and learning experience which only Finale and I had a right to know about fully.

I learn from every single setback, every single creature that I pass, and every single moment in the day. Everything is something to teach you - and if you accept every single thing, even the smallest, as your teacher, you will have an enriching life experience.

Riding Sharlie

Since Julia has been begging me to write this post, I will. A couple of days ago, I happily agreed to ride Sharlie in the evening, with all of the pictures in my mind bubbling in quiet anticipation. I was glad that I would get the chance to ride her.

When I went to go ride Sharlie, Julia had already played with her some and she was now diving for the grass. I breathed out, quietly singing to her as she desperately reached for grass again and again. I ended up doing both lateral flexion and raising my phases (not at the same time) to get her to bring her head up. I would then let her eat some more, and let her quietly bring her head up. When she was finally a bit calmer, I readied myself to get on.

I hopped... one, two three, jump. Unfortunately, I slid just short of where I needed to be on her, so it didn't work out. The second time, I did make it on her back as she stood fairly calmly. I informed Julia that I was going to ride her around in the barnyard a bit before going into the backfield.

I watched eve approach, watched bugs fly through the air, dragonflies seeming to skim upon the wind, and let myself feel Sharlie's gait. She began to lower her head dramatically and stretch her legs out. Sharlie, in that time, became very calmed and neutral. She seemed to enjoy being so peaceful, just walking across the barnyard.

As we began to approach Julia, she began to rip for grass. Each time was a little bit harder, a little bit stiffer, a little bit more desperate. I tried to soothe Sharlie, because it gets to the point of where it is not only a sign of dominance, but a sign of stress. Once I gave her a point to go towards, a focus, she began to have a productive gait, not at all choppy, and stopped diving for grass. For this, I would let her eat grass every here and there. By this point, we were headed towards the gate for the backfield. My heart soared - she was so nice to ride, being much less opinionated (and therefore easier) than my two girls.

Once we were out in the backfield, I was in my space. The wide open is always something that I relish in, that soothes me, that 'brings me to life' so to speak.

Sharlie and I started walking across the field. It was very peaceful there, even with Julia trying to run ahead to take pictures. She was extremely calm, as was I. We trotted now, towards the hill for a moment. Her trot reached outward, her head down, as she was floating across the ground. My weight moved her over to the right a bit, so that we were focused on a different area. As we walked up the hill, she remained calm and only thought about trotting once, but realized that that was not my intention. We walked slowly down the path towards an area that was less steep, then to go across. Shalie and I stood on the hill as Julia came over. For the life of me, I cannot remember what she said during that time.

We walked down the hill somewhat, and were ready to canter. I found a fairly long place to go, had a plan in mind of where to go, and set out to do so. The first time, we were completely unconnected at the trot simply because of me. I had become so absorbed in the idea of canter that I had forgotten to keep the connection with Sharlie. As we walked back again, I regained it, then being able to turn around, trot, and then canter up the slightly sloping hill.

Her canter was very unbalanced, mostly on the forehand and a bit sloped to the right. The lumpy footing probably wasn't helping much, but Cherish has easily and quickly navigated across the same before. As I straightened up, sat back, and conveyed the image of he cantering nicely up the hill to her, she did go into two or three nice, calm, relaxed, balanced canter beats before I had her stop. We walked back down the hill towards Julia in peace.

All in all, it was a really wonderful ride.It seems that the more time I spend with other people's horses, the more I learn about my own, and the more I remind myself that I need to connect at all times. Connecting is so extremely necessary, but often I have a harder time grasping that with my own horses than I do with others. It might all be habitual, really.


(Julia's Note: Then Kara will be riding her again!)

Day Two

I rolled out of bed fairly easily with the alarm, then decided that I needed a few more minutes. After those few minutes, another alarm sounded... Time to get out of bed. I sighed, blinked my eyes, and stood. When escaping my room, the first thing that I walked to was the freezer for coffee. Hearing the soothing sound of it bubble into the pot was just what made me take a deep breath, a breath for calm.

Getting out the door came fairly quickly, in which the fog surrounding us was already lifting. I looked around at the fog once more, slightly disappointing that it would be leaving this early. My shoulders shrugged at myself, for the way of the day cannot be changed no matter how much I wish it could be.

When I got Cherish out, I let her eat grass for a bit before trying out some turn on the hindquarters and forehands. I was so frustrated with just that and circles - it appeared as if they were nearly impossible! My feet shuffled and huffed myself out to the backfield, basically (temporarily) giving up on my little adventure of trying to get Cherish to respond. I wasn't even asking her the way I wanted, much less getting what I wanted.

Lightness and not getting frustrated too easily are two things that I need to work on - I used to never get frustrated, but now that I am really encouraging my emotions to shine (and rain, or thunder, or hurricane) when they want to, I've realized that it's okay to get frustrated. Getting frustrated comes when I don't know what to do, or when I don't know what's not working, or often times when I get uncomfortable outside of my comfort zone - or even in! Frustration is nothing more than a form of fear......

The land passed by slowly. Each blade of grass whispered to me, but I chose not to listen. My ears and mind and self presence were all closed, withdrawn. I would have wondered, but thoughts were being policed and not possibly permitted to pass through my head, much less the world that it usually would. I huffed myself all the way down the trail, until it came near the curve - and suddenly, I just sat down. A fleet of air let out of my body, and I simply let myself collapse there as I sat. Cherish looked at me for a moment before figuratively shrugging and deciding to eat grass near me, but she kept her eye on me. The frustrated thoughts simmered at first, and then burst. "Why? Why? Why?" I was going in circles in my mind. "Lightness can not be found. It can only be." the thought went through my head. That hit me. Lightness cannot be found, it can only be. Quite frankly, I have lately not allowed it to be. Was it possible? Could I be? Could I let lightness be? The question filled and began to overwhelm my head. A butterfly, orange with black and white and almost unnoticed speckles dripping upon and down it, landed on my foot. Even though it was only there for a very short time, it said much in its visit. "Yes dear, you can. You will be able to do many things. But you must first stand. That is the first."

A big part of camp that I have been hoping for is just being able to step out of my little comfort circle - unfortunately, I have come to like to stay there within the last six months or so. It's time to break loose again! I need to become more comfortable with being uncomfortable, and allow myself to mold into places that would normally cause a bit of stirring in my nerves instead of trying to fight against them. If you mold in with the world, yourself will show quite definitely, and the horse will enjoy being with you all the more for that.

I went on to play with Cherish for a bit, which truly did not seem that long at all, with success. We played with a fair amount of lightness, even though it was not exactly as I would have liked it to be. Walking from obstacle to obstacle and playing with each one was not as near as flowing or satisfying as the way I wanted to play would have been... But it was not going to happen quite yet.

The next time I go out to the obstacles, I would love to have a form of a plan, and be able to just be more than try so hard. Sure, trying is great, but when you try to only get it right, then often times you miss out on the lessons by allowing it to be flexible! Cherish began to get bored in parts of this, and really wasn't motivated to move at all... So I not only want to keep her engaged and interested, I also want to be light myself, with energy and confidence enough in me so that it may reflect in her.

I believe that in ever session, you should have a bit of thinking (puzzles, etc), a bit of rest (sitting in the grass while your horse grazes), and a bit of fun - within these, you should allow yourself and your horse to be. I cannot explain being in short, so I believe that I will simply leave it at that.

Another thing that I find extremely important is balance on the ground and ADVENTURES. I cannot stress how important adventures are to both horse and human, or at least in my case. Who knows? Maybe there is not room for adventure in the lives of some, but adventure is what gives my life some real - for lack of a better word - pizazz! (Note: Pizazz would be a pretty horse for an Arabian) The horses love to go on adventures as well - it brings about not only our imagination and purpose and joy, but theirs as well, and even relates back to the wild horses who wandered and went on adventures all the time.

Cherish pawed at the water eagerly, happy to spray herself with water. She rolled the second time that she went in, raising herself back above the surface covered from hoof to mid shoulder in soaking wet red mud. I laughed at the expression on her face, which proved the silly and light hearted joy that she held at the moment. Each time I stepped into the pond, a bit of cool washed over my body in the heat of the day - which was not too bad yet, but still extremely warm. The shower that I gave her after she took several mud baths was extremely rewarding for both of us - she stood perfectly still, completely enjoying the cool water running over her back and stomach. Finale was not as sure of the water as Cherish was, so she and I instead ended up playing near the pond and squeezing between me and the water. I gave up wanting her to go into the water - I simply knew that that was not going to happen today.

I have a feeling that we will be going in the pond many times - the water was cooler than I had expected, and Cherish really seemed to enjoy it. Finale was not quite as happy with the water. "I simply knew that that was not going to happen today." With that, I would like to make the point that many people don't listen to themselves or their horse - you have to know when to stop. The person, or the horse even, should never expect too much out of the other. What if we did? Frustration would be the only thing that ever passed through us. If the horse constantly pushed us to go further, and we constantly pushed the horse to go further... how would that turn out? That goes for this, then: 

"Respect comes when respect gives."

Julia, my mom, and I spent a few hours planning things out, talking about things that we wanted to learn, things we were uncomfortable with, things that we learned this day, things that we have had trouble with in the past... etc etc. Interestingly enough, my mom has troubles with trying to progress to fast, and I have problems with wishing to progress too slow. I have a hard time stepping out of my comfort zone with training the horses, while I believe that my mom has a hard time with grounding herself and connecting with the world. Julia has a hard time with her balance, which is one of her major goals, as well as getting her Level 3 On Line and her Level 2 Freestyle. Our camp is called "Back to the Herd Camp". We talked, for a long time, about what that made us picture and feel - simply the title. We even came up with a t-shirt idea, which has hoof prints winding up it with a horse and rider at the end that are completely thrilled, rider's hands flung up in the air, horse's head up with ears pricked, running forwards... and in the middle, in a straight line across, would be white letters saying "adventure spasm." I loved it.

My main goals are the following:

Be light.

Be flowing.

Don't be afraid to connect, but don't wish to connect so hastily that you toss it away.

Step out of the circle.

See the horse for who they are.

Be.

See the world, focus on the world, and then focus on the horse.

-At all (or most all) times.-

Julia and I were left to fend for ourselves at the house while my mom went to town - we spent most of it watching YouTube videos of people that we admired, or at least I did. Some of the people that inspire me are down in the post below - beautiful dances with their horses. Julia spent a lot of time planning for her auditions. All in all, we had a lot of fun.

Mostly what I have learned today is that all growth is uncomfortable and that I have to face it. For the second part of the day, once we were able to go back outside....

Cherish and I did a bit of Liberty, until both of us became too distracted. A saying I often go by is this:

You can only ever expect your horse to be as perfect as you are.

Whenever I think of it that way, I really do have to laugh - because no one can possibly be perfect, but so many people expect their horses to be! There are always reasons for things, or so I believe - no matter whether they are logical, emotional, or of some other energy or presence. It doesn't really matter what you manage to call it, it's simply the general idea.

I did use a makeshift cordeo with her after that, which definitely kept her attention more. Both of us were getting really sleepy though... And then came time to ride Sharlie.

The nerves started to boil inside of me ever so slightly just as I was getting ready to get on Sharlie. I decided that it was time that I actually listen to myself, because I was previously known not to. I sang to her under my breath for a bit until my nerves ceased their buzzing and rattling. I was able to continue - but Sharlie had to stop dive-bombing for grass for me to get on.

Sharlie's walk floated very nicely, with her air of confidence and prestige. She thought of herself as a small but tough flower, one that could withstand both extreme heat and rain, one that's roots would hold, but one that was extremely beautiful and petite looking. I chuckled at her comical perspective of herself, so highly regarded. Julia really has a handful, with a horse that has a horsenality such as. She really was a joy to ride as she floated this way and that, really just allowing me to be there. I realized that I had taken great strides, from only a few days ago, just from all the things that I have learned today. Sharlie did have a lot of moments where she would dive for grass, but as we went on, her diving lessened both in numbers and intensity. I let her graze more frequently as she dove less frequently. To hurry the writing of this blog post along, I'll say simply that Sharlie's trot was absolutely beautiful, that it was flowing and wonderful for me to sit, that she was a joy to ride in the backfield, very confident and sensitive, and that her canter, although really off balance, will be nice in time - the last few beats of it were quite smooth and more controlled, with her able to actually lift her front end up more instead of having the habit of running on it. 

I must go to bed now. We're waking up at 5:30 again tomorrow morning.

Smiles,

Kara.