Day Five

I headed out with Cherish to the backfield. I had actually planned on playing with Finale first, but my mom ended up taking her out to the pasture before I could say much. We trotted around a bunch and did some circling game, with more relaxation than usual. Since I do my circling games differently than most Parelli people, it's a bit of experimentation, but I enjoy it as such. Unfortunately I cannot remember most of the details from our play session, but the important thing that I remember is that both of us had fun and were connected even though I was rather tired.

Horses never focus so much on meticulous details, but they do notice the abstract details such as the environment, the emotions, the feelings and the senses, the connections, etc. These are all things that I tend to notice more as well. To get more out of it, such as what we actually did step by step, you would either have to video me or I would have to write it as I went along. Each memory, for me, tends to stay so fresh for a while that it has no chronological order, and as I put more and more thoughts between that and the time of now, all I end up remembering is the important things. The abstract things.

I headed up to get Finale, because I had promised her that I would play with her when I ran out of time the night before. She walked up to me eagerly, with the brightest face on. I slipped the halter off of Cherish and stroked her neck twice, then approached Finale as she approached me. I was standing there talking to my mom and stroking Finale, while Cherish stood at the water trough with water dripping off of her bottom lip. I truly can't remember what we were talking about then, but I remember seeing Julia beginning to become aggravated at Sharlie again (or hear and feel her rather, I really could not see her) and was about to yell at her to relax or get creative or something, rather than focus so much on the circle. Right as I opened my mouth, Finale asked Cherish to move over ... and all of a sudden, Cherish had had enough. She has been more and
more confident lately, and trying to get herself up higher in the dominance ranks in the herding category, with more planning and strategy up to this point rather than that much action. She would pin her ears and nip every so often, especially at Sharlie, here and there, but here was her "Big Bang." I had expected it from her at some point, because she has always been more independent than Finale gives her credit for. Finale tends to move her around a lot, making her go this way and that until she thinks it suitable. Cherish hasn't really enjoyed Finale's company up until recently, when she was beginning to actually take a stand.

Cherish spun around, taking both of her legs and reaching them up towards Finale. She knicked Finale's chest with her right leg and then knicked my leg as well, making an extra effort to have her left leg clear (not hit) me. Oddly enough, I didn't move, just let her go about what she needed to do, because she had been waiting for this. I turned to the left a bit just to protect myself, and then stood. She seemed shocked and hurt when she hit me though, and made an effort to pivot a bit, as she was already in mid next strike. She hit Finale square in the chest with her right leg then, and hit me on the side of my right leg with her left. She had also slowed down the progression of her left leg, while she had sped up her right. I stepped forward, slightly hurt, but knowing that she needed to move away from Finale and I. I reached my leg up and let it make contact, only solid and not moving it any further forward so that it was not an actual blow, more of a solid wall of something. It was a respectful but "You will need to leave now, even though I understand your reason." She trotted off, slightly sullen, as I stood there for a moment. When she turned, making a fiery-dragon face at Finale, I encouraged her to keep going, as I really would rather not have been in a full on dominance duel. She looked at me apologetically and continued away, then turning with a soft face to look at me. She didn't just look at me, she looked into me as I looked into her and we spoke to each other. Tears streamed down my cheeks, partially because of being hurt (inside), partially because of the free dominance she had exerted and now had title of, and partially because I have been needing to. She came over and stood next to me after that, with her head low and her whole self soft. She looked at me from the depth within her eyes, as I looked at her. I stroked her only with my mind, before I let her know that I would be going out of the pasture now. She looked at me in recognition, turned away, and went to nibble on some grass. She continued to watch me as I left. Afterwards, when I went to bring her into the stall in the heat of the day, she walked up to me as I walked up to her. We met in the middle, and as I reached my arm up, she brought her head around and put her nose on my arm, just resting it there softly, and her head next to my face, chin, and chest. We stood there like that for a while.

This goes to show not only how much the connection matter, but also your mindset. Instead of fuming with anger and wishing to tear the head off of something, I calmly asked Cherish to respectfully leave by doing just what the dominant horse would have done. The true dominant horse would have figuratively said "That's enough now" and quietly "expelled" the challenging horse from the group. The horse would be allowed to stay on the outskirts, but it is considered disrespectful in horse world to begin a dominance fight with another horse while the leader of both are standing right there. She realized this, and I was able to reclaim my own stand of dominance and confidence in leadership. Nobody was hurt here, except for my leg, (I'm fine though - only a small mark turning to a bruise) and my mom was possibly terrified...) and relationships were kept in tact, if not grown even more. If I had not given support to Finale when I did, she would not recognize me as a leader - and if I had not quietly and calmly asked Cherish to leave when I did, I would be considered not only aloof, but also lesser in dominance and admittedly so. Both Cherish and Finale were better connected me today after that. It also mattered what I did in the evening, which I will write about shortly...

Julia, my mom, and I all went to town, hoping to be able to get our bareback pad from the shoeman's shop. We had taken it to him almost a week ago, asking him if he could punch holes up the side for us, as our hole punch was not quite big enough for the holes that we needed. He had heartily agreed and said that he would have it done in a couple days. We had gone back a couple days later, and no bareback pad holes. We went back before the weekend, when he also said he would have it done... nope. He said that this time, he would most definitely have it done after the weekend. We went there on Tuesday... no. Thursday... no. Friday... no. Saturday? Still no. He said that we could bring it to him on Tuesday and that he would be able to get it finished after that weekend. I sat there looking at him like, "You seriously want us to believe that you are actually a good enough worker to not do something that would take you five to fifteen minutes within two weeks, and then be able to get it done in another week? Does our work seriously matter any less than somebody's stinky cowboy boot? I think not!" I really did want to say that, but I decided to keep my mouth shut and tell him that we would simply be able to do it by ourselves, thank you. He shrugged and gave it back to us... People as such, in my opinion, will never be diligent workers worth employing.

In the evening, I really was not feeling well enough to play with the horses, so I decided to instead play with my mom's new camera. She only got a subcompact camera (Canon - She had originally gotten a Sony, but I made her take it back and get a Canon with good specs and features instead), but it fits really nicely in your pocket, and for a subcompact and a complete camera amateur (my mom - "Kara, how do you make it so that it zooms?"), it's actually a really good camera. I ended up taking pictures of Julia, which turned out fairly nice.

I did go and stroke Finale and Hope. Finale came up behind me, as I crouched on the ground, and rested her nose on the top of my head. We stayed like that, completely connected with my hand reaching up to cradle her jawbone, for quite a while. When we both moved at the same time, completely in sync with our departure from that stance, both of us were very soft and relieved. She is such a special horse to me. Hope looked on at us, knowing. I stroked her and then kissed her with my mom. I told her that she would really become free with my mom now that she was opening. She nodded at me, and thanked me for helping her. I touched her face, just between her eyes, very softly. She understood.

I walked back to the barn then, to go be with Cherish. I stood there for a while, my arms hanging over the (very low) wall of her stall, and her head hanging over as well. Her nose was just above the crook of my elbow, where the warmth of her breath trickled down my arms. We were together.

When I went back up to the house, I was frustrated. Not just by this, but a good part of it: I wanted to stay down at the barn all night. As I speak of it now, my heart is soft. Julia had asked me if I was nervous or something, because I had seemed hesitant. I told her no. No, I was not nervous... But I was longing to be free, longing to connect with the horses - because you don't have to move for freedom to reach you. I was also longing to gallop, but it was getting dark too quickly. I knew that it would not be right anyway. I played it in my mind instead. Beautiful.