Getting out the door came fairly quickly, in which the fog surrounding us was already lifting. I looked around at the fog once more, slightly disappointing that it would be leaving this early. My shoulders shrugged at myself, for the way of the day cannot be changed no matter how much I wish it could be.
When I got Cherish out, I let her eat grass for a bit before trying out some turn on the hindquarters and forehands. I was so frustrated with just that and circles - it appeared as if they were nearly impossible! My feet shuffled and huffed myself out to the backfield, basically (temporarily) giving up on my little adventure of trying to get Cherish to respond. I wasn't even asking her the way I wanted, much less getting what I wanted.
Lightness and not getting frustrated too easily are two things that I need to work on - I used to never get frustrated, but now that I am really encouraging my emotions to shine (and rain, or thunder, or hurricane) when they want to, I've realized that it's okay to get frustrated. Getting frustrated comes when I don't know what to do, or when I don't know what's not working, or often times when I get uncomfortable outside of my comfort zone - or even in! Frustration is nothing more than a form of fear......
The land passed by slowly. Each blade of grass whispered to me, but I chose not to listen. My ears and mind and self presence were all closed, withdrawn. I would have wondered, but thoughts were being policed and not possibly permitted to pass through my head, much less the world that it usually would. I huffed myself all the way down the trail, until it came near the curve - and suddenly, I just sat down. A fleet of air let out of my body, and I simply let myself collapse there as I sat. Cherish looked at me for a moment before figuratively shrugging and deciding to eat grass near me, but she kept her eye on me. The frustrated thoughts simmered at first, and then burst. "Why? Why? Why?" I was going in circles in my mind. "Lightness can not be found. It can only be." the thought went through my head. That hit me. Lightness cannot be found, it can only be. Quite frankly, I have lately not allowed it to be. Was it possible? Could I be? Could I let lightness be? The question filled and began to overwhelm my head. A butterfly, orange with black and white and almost unnoticed speckles dripping upon and down it, landed on my foot. Even though it was only there for a very short time, it said much in its visit. "Yes dear, you can. You will be able to do many things. But you must first stand. That is the first."
A big part of camp that I have been hoping for is just being able to step out of my little comfort circle - unfortunately, I have come to like to stay there within the last six months or so. It's time to break loose again! I need to become more comfortable with being uncomfortable, and allow myself to mold into places that would normally cause a bit of stirring in my nerves instead of trying to fight against them. If you mold in with the world, yourself will show quite definitely, and the horse will enjoy being with you all the more for that.
I went on to play with Cherish for a bit, which truly did not seem that long at all, with success. We played with a fair amount of lightness, even though it was not exactly as I would have liked it to be. Walking from obstacle to obstacle and playing with each one was not as near as flowing or satisfying as the way I wanted to play would have been... But it was not going to happen quite yet.
The next time I go out to the obstacles, I would love to have a form of a plan, and be able to just be more than try so hard. Sure, trying is great, but when you try to only get it right, then often times you miss out on the lessons by allowing it to be flexible! Cherish began to get bored in parts of this, and really wasn't motivated to move at all... So I not only want to keep her engaged and interested, I also want to be light myself, with energy and confidence enough in me so that it may reflect in her.
I believe that in ever session, you should have a bit of thinking (puzzles, etc), a bit of rest (sitting in the grass while your horse grazes), and a bit of fun - within these, you should allow yourself and your horse to be. I cannot explain being in short, so I believe that I will simply leave it at that.
Another thing that I find extremely important is balance on the ground and ADVENTURES. I cannot stress how important adventures are to both horse and human, or at least in my case. Who knows? Maybe there is not room for adventure in the lives of some, but adventure is what gives my life some real - for lack of a better word - pizazz! (Note: Pizazz would be a pretty horse for an Arabian) The horses love to go on adventures as well - it brings about not only our imagination and purpose and joy, but theirs as well, and even relates back to the wild horses who wandered and went on adventures all the time.
Cherish pawed at the water eagerly, happy to spray herself with water. She rolled the second time that she went in, raising herself back above the surface covered from hoof to mid shoulder in soaking wet red mud. I laughed at the expression on her face, which proved the silly and light hearted joy that she held at the moment. Each time I stepped into the pond, a bit of cool washed over my body in the heat of the day - which was not too bad yet, but still extremely warm. The shower that I gave her after she took several mud baths was extremely rewarding for both of us - she stood perfectly still, completely enjoying the cool water running over her back and stomach. Finale was not as sure of the water as Cherish was, so she and I instead ended up playing near the pond and squeezing between me and the water. I gave up wanting her to go into the water - I simply knew that that was not going to happen today.
I have a feeling that we will be going in the pond many times - the water was cooler than I had expected, and Cherish really seemed to enjoy it. Finale was not quite as happy with the water. "I simply knew that that was not going to happen today." With that, I would like to make the point that many people don't listen to themselves or their horse - you have to know when to stop. The person, or the horse even, should never expect too much out of the other. What if we did? Frustration would be the only thing that ever passed through us. If the horse constantly pushed us to go further, and we constantly pushed the horse to go further... how would that turn out? That goes for this, then:
"Respect comes when respect gives."
Julia, my mom, and I spent a few hours planning things out, talking about things that we wanted to learn, things we were uncomfortable with, things that we learned this day, things that we have had trouble with in the past... etc etc. Interestingly enough, my mom has troubles with trying to progress to fast, and I have problems with wishing to progress too slow. I have a hard time stepping out of my comfort zone with training the horses, while I believe that my mom has a hard time with grounding herself and connecting with the world. Julia has a hard time with her balance, which is one of her major goals, as well as getting her Level 3 On Line and her Level 2 Freestyle. Our camp is called "Back to the Herd Camp". We talked, for a long time, about what that made us picture and feel - simply the title. We even came up with a t-shirt idea, which has hoof prints winding up it with a horse and rider at the end that are completely thrilled, rider's hands flung up in the air, horse's head up with ears pricked, running forwards... and in the middle, in a straight line across, would be white letters saying "adventure spasm." I loved it.
My main goals are the following:
Be light.
Be flowing.
Don't be afraid to connect, but don't wish to connect so hastily that you toss it away.
Step out of the circle.
See the horse for who they are.
Be.
See the world, focus on the world, and then focus on the horse.
-At all (or most all) times.-
Julia and I were left to fend for ourselves at the house while my mom went to town - we spent most of it watching YouTube videos of people that we admired, or at least I did. Some of the people that inspire me are down in the post below - beautiful dances with their horses. Julia spent a lot of time planning for her auditions. All in all, we had a lot of fun.
Mostly what I have learned today is that all growth is uncomfortable and that I have to face it. For the second part of the day, once we were able to go back outside....
Cherish and I did a bit of Liberty, until both of us became too distracted. A saying I often go by is this:
You can only ever expect your horse to be as perfect as you are.
Whenever I think of it that way, I really do have to laugh - because no one can possibly be perfect, but so many people expect their horses to be! There are always reasons for things, or so I believe - no matter whether they are logical, emotional, or of some other energy or presence. It doesn't really matter what you manage to call it, it's simply the general idea.
I did use a makeshift cordeo with her after that, which definitely kept her attention more. Both of us were getting really sleepy though... And then came time to ride Sharlie.
The nerves started to boil inside of me ever so slightly just as I was getting ready to get on Sharlie. I decided that it was time that I actually listen to myself, because I was previously known not to. I sang to her under my breath for a bit until my nerves ceased their buzzing and rattling. I was able to continue - but Sharlie had to stop dive-bombing for grass for me to get on.
Sharlie's walk floated very nicely, with her air of confidence and prestige. She thought of herself as a small but tough flower, one that could withstand both extreme heat and rain, one that's roots would hold, but one that was extremely beautiful and petite looking. I chuckled at her comical perspective of herself, so highly regarded. Julia really has a handful, with a horse that has a horsenality such as. She really was a joy to ride as she floated this way and that, really just allowing me to be there. I realized that I had taken great strides, from only a few days ago, just from all the things that I have learned today. Sharlie did have a lot of moments where she would dive for grass, but as we went on, her diving lessened both in numbers and intensity. I let her graze more frequently as she dove less frequently. To hurry the writing of this blog post along, I'll say simply that Sharlie's trot was absolutely beautiful, that it was flowing and wonderful for me to sit, that she was a joy to ride in the backfield, very confident and sensitive, and that her canter, although really off balance, will be nice in time - the last few beats of it were quite smooth and more controlled, with her able to actually lift her front end up more instead of having the habit of running on it.
I must go to bed now. We're waking up at 5:30 again tomorrow morning.
Smiles,
Kara.
3 comments:
I think the next 2 weeks are going to be amazing for all of you... horses and humans alike.
I am so exciteedd!
I think so too, Emily.
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