DayThirteen

This morning, Julia and I ended up waking up around 7 AM. Today is the last day, so it calls for a "celebration" of sorts, except for not really, we're just going to stay up late making s'mores around the fire.

I walked over to Cherish, who was now in the barnyard eating the hay in under the overhanging roof. She greeted me happily and reluctantly followed me away from the delicious hay... which she seems to get her face in whenever she can. My mom was tacking up Hope, both seeming quite happy. As I spoke to her, I dropped Cherish's lead and let her wander off towards the ash circle (firepit). I imagined her for a moment, dancing in reds and yellows and golds around the fire, with me... we wandered off into the grasslands then, and her paint transitioned to goldens, tans, and greens. As we made our way into the forest with the fireflies, her colors turned to blue and light green and dark brown and white, as we danced in under the trees. They were only glimpses of us dancing, me painted similar to her, with that one little fleck of white on the inside of my right wrist, the one little spot just near the line between my wrist and hand on the left side, and a star painted on my forehead. The tips of my ears were painted black, as were the bottom of my legs and arms. Both of us had wonderful colorful designs on us.... I popped back into this world, not any more at peace than I had been before. I found myself this morning to be very nervous and on edge, after having a series of dreams that had disturbed me, but that I could now not quite recall. 

Cherish and I walked into the gate, and as my hand brushed against the smooth but cold metal, I saw once again that beautiful wooden twisted and entwined gate that would be at the front of my land. I had burned it to a certain degree and soaked it in some type of liquid in order to make it flexible, then twisted it, crafted it and
carved it until it was just perfect. There was a small running horse entwined into the very center, and every summer I let vines with light purple and blue flowers grow up the sides. Cherish looked at me funny for a moment, gesturing to the way that I felt this morning. I shrugged at her and tried to share it with her, but could not find the right thing to show. I figured that it would come out when it wished to. We began walking to the left, her looking annoyed for a moment and a bit troubled at my inability to share, when I am usually always able to share. I tried dancing with her some, but my body and mind and soul would not meet. I decided that, if anything else, I could watch her being free.

We walked back to the gate, and I undid her leadrope, hoping that she would go trotting off. Interestingly enough, she stayed next to me, wishing to be with me and wishing for me to feel what was underneath and not seen. I struggled and swam around in myself for a moment, trying to find it, but knowing that I would not be able to find it until I really really wished to. Still, I could see or feel nothing except for that standing discomfort deep where it was adding pressure. I reassured her that I would not let myself go long with that weighing within me. She looked slightly concerned, but nodded anyway. I stroked her and then let her feel a glimpse of her running... Then opened the gate and let her fly.

I realized, in slight fear as she ran towards the gaping hole in the fence line, that I had been picturing us running through the fields together, far away from the house, but close enough for her to reach quickly at her gallop or even fast canter. I ran towards her then, willing her not to go, not to go, not to go, as if I could actually stop her with my physical body as I was running - no, I believe that it was the constant jabbering thought of not going that made her turn, look at me funny, and then continue trotting towards Hope and my mom. A slight relief washed over me - but underneath, there was still the longing to run in that field.

I had to laugh as I passed Julia, watching her "meditate" as I had advised that she do. She was doing anything but clearing her mind, which would be obvious to any human. A tree had to chuckle at her nearby, knowing that she was just a sprout. I continued onward, going out to the opposite pasture now. The gate was open, and my mom was riding Hope in there, and Cherish was standing nearby. We stood and talked until my mom walked off again. With me still feeling that strange incongruency, I decided to catch up with her by running with Cherish from the ground. I started off at a trot, and Cherish went to a trot, but with the incongruency and the strange energy inside of me, she bucked, pinned her ears, and galloped towards her. I thought that it was extremely interesting... Because even if she had galloped, she usually would have turned around, arched back toward me, nickered and playfully joked about my slow speed, and then walked or trotted the rest of the way with me. This was new, but so was this strange feeling in my gut.

I picked at the weeds of the garden, letting the plants feel and slightly heel me. I felt the energy running through them and into my fingers slightly, but I was so preocuppied with my thoughts and this new feeling that I really didn't take the time to notice it. I just let my hands absently pull weeds, pull, pull, yank ever so often, pull. I tossed them all out into the grass, since I had no where else to put them and I figured that whatever the grass was green with was good.

I will write the evening later, as we haven't gotten to that yet......