Yesterday, I played with Finale quite openly. I adjusted my confidence, my leadership, and my body language as we went along - but by the end she was traveling in soft circles gently around me, at the most floating trot I had ever seen, rounded beautifully in her top line and curved around me. The rope was loose, with a large "U" shape in it. Oh how pleasant - lightness.

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Monday

I rounded the corner with my helmet on my head, purple halter and 22' string in hand. Something had told me that grabbing my helmet now was the right choice. Halfway down the line of the barn's side, I considered grabbing Finale instead of Cherish. I had originally wanted to ride, but no matter. The wind blew in my hair, the sky spotted with blue before me, and two little bay mares soaking in the whole experience of me walking towards them. I try to convey all of my current emotions - for those are typically the only I have - as I walk to them, to consciously present to them the painting of my being. For one small moment, I felt a twinge, and then the same ever clear pleasure and independence and strength that is now typical of me. I backtracked as I slowed my pace, and paused at that twinge. I spoke to myself, told myself to let it go, to let it show, and to let it be. Instantly, I was flooded with everything, coming across almost as an explanation to me. ...

"You feel trapped at school. Your eyes search for windows, for sky. Your heart searches for anything authentic. Your mind searches for something less frenzied, something clear and blue and cloudless. You feel pressured, you always have, by people [anyone who tells you you are wrong in your passion, your dreams, your heart, your "differences" of higher consciousness], by buildings they build, and by most things they construct or create. You see the gargling of their soul voices [which are fragmented and incomplete], of their smile voices [which are often not allowed to shine to their fullest], and of the complicated and haphazardly organized minds and thoughts. However, even though the stream you float down is not a smooth one nor is it devoid of rocks, waterfalls, low spots, tree branches, and snakes, you were not created to sit in a pond. You love challenges, love independence, love wild beauty. You will see and learn more than most of your peers. You have the free soul, the joyful soul, the quiet soul, the fighting soul, but most of all... the independent creator soul. You do not mind to be alone, for you are truly [part] of the world [versus just living on the world as so many people are], and the world is [part] of you."

That is the best I can describe what and how I felt. It was not a wound that had been opened, just something felt. Anything we feel is beautiful, is information, and can teach and heal more than you [or I] know. They are things humans take for granted.

I continued, not realizing my eyes were closed until now, to the horses. Tehy each sent out low, pleasant, and heart thriving nickers. I breathed it in the beauty of the sound. Trees restled, whispering a thousand wispers into one song. Finale and Cherish both thanked me, clearly, and Finale put her head to my ches. I told Cherish that she would be able to see me after - and so Finale glided quietly out the gate, with only the 22' Feather line looped and knotted loosely around her neck.

She walked just behind me, fully in sync. As I turned my head, she turned hers. As I angled my right hip to the outside and forward, she did the same. everywhere I went, she followed - independently in herself and working simply to be the heart friend. She and I were connected by something deeper, but we were not one - we were two individual beings with a keen closeness to one another. Almost one, but absolutely never to be confused.

And it was due to this connection, to this thing where neither was obviously leader due to both being so close in movement, mind, and soul, but where I knew I was ahead as did she, this thing of great forces yet of great awareness... that I knew I was ready to ride and she was ready to be ridden, but that neither had need or rush to.

The gate opened quietly, in which I felt a twinge, of her and of me. She told me, precisely, that she was not exactly sure what that was, and that she knew it would be different, and that she felt as I had when I first tried to reach myself to come close to her. Of how it was so far away, but so close she could almost smell it, and that all she had to do was fly. I stared at her for a moment, in slight disbelief, as she explained this to me so clearly that it might as well have been in words. It was not her precise way of telling me this, or even that she told me, but what she told me. That she had recognized and accounted for and fully felt what I had felt trying to start, trying to "jump and fly", and that she would ever feel the same thing but in a different situation... fully amazed me. I had thought that horses did not become unseated. She said then, softly, that riding, especially in the way that I wished, was different. She had admitted, without disappointment or embarassment, that she felt this. I told her it would be okay to walk in the arena, that she didn't have to be ridden today. Her hooves approached then. She and I entered the arena.

When I asked her to step over to the mounting block, her face became slightly sour, and she gave me pictures of a person riding her, another horse in front of her, pulling on the reins uncomfortably with an uncomfortable saddle and slanted off of their balance point. In return, I gave her a picture of me sitting on her, bareback, on my balance point, and with only the rope around her neck. The picture was pleasing to both of us, and, upon viewing it, our eyes softened and we both gave a light hearted sigh. Suddenly, I felt a bit of fear. I opened it and let my fear incline to its max. She stepped forward, putting her forehead to my chest. I softened my body immediately as we enjoyed being together. There was no recognition of the previous emotion, there was only the moment. The reason fear often comes along, for me, is not due to worrying that I will fail and flounder, but more that I will excel - and then become lost, or not know what to do, or where to turn, or realize than things aren't the way that I want them to be or something. I worry that I will excel and that it will be crushed. By something. Why? Because it is important to me that I do just that: dream and excel. She realized, accepted, and softened... I knew that only I could let it loose, and so I did. I let loose of all grasps on normality (normal reality) and decided to go for the authentic reality. As it held, being, it turned to softness. The moment lasted a bit longer before a distant noise interrupted us. It was alright - better to know and be aware than to not be.

Her look loosened as I stepped up to the stool. I stretched forward and stroked her. My leg lay over her back, and she tensed. I asked her if she wanted to stop. Knowing that I was respecting her, she loosened again, even further than before. I let myself slide fully onto her. She walked forward quickly for a moment, not sure what to do. I calmed, loosened, and conveyed to her that it would be okay to stand if she wanted. Almost instantly, we both readied in a very natural way and stopped softly. Oh, what a pleasing feeling. The rest of the ride went like this - beautiful turns, beautiful changes in speed, etc. Everything came natural - beautiful. Obviously, being our first ride, it did not seem so revised and perfect from the outside as it did to be, but it was beautiful nonetheless.

When it came time to get off - for some reason I always know when it is time to stop and amble away - we were both calm, content, and radiating joy. I enjoyed every moment of it, and let her know. My hand stroked softly down her neck just before I hopped off and towards the ground. My feet landed softly, lightly. She turned her face to me and snuffled happily before we walked, together, out of the arena, her line on the ground yet with her following me independently, not out of discipline or knowledge that she should, but out of choice, and out of friendship. As I plopped down in the grass next to her while she ate, I noticed the feeling of the grass tickling my hands, then my arms as I lay flat on my belly across the earth. She stood next to me, careful that she didn't step on me, and ate with her face close to mine. Closeness. Serene closeness.

I went to go get Cherish, to let her out of the pasture as well. Both Hope and Finale were happily attacking the lush grass in the barnyard. I flung the gate open wide and offered her the halter. Even though she could have easily walked right past me, she gracefully and gently put her head in the halter. I tied the knot before stroking her neck and then her face, then motioned for her to come with me if she wished. The joy of her walking, and then trotting, toward the other horses alongside me was filling. I turned to the left gradually, and so she followed. When I leaned on my fore, slowed with control, and then finally became low enough to grab a chunk of grass, she did the same. I smiled at her, "turned off" the leadership and energetically ambled off. Oxymoron, I know, but true and accurate.

As I sat on the picnic table in front of the barn, I could hear the snuffling noises of the horses and the slow, calm breathing that they embraced fully and lightly. It was a joy to reflect while writing all of this in my notebook, but as I was reflecting I also made new. I felt the drop in temperature, the rise in humidity, and the graying sky as the storm came nearer. Tails were swished casually, noses were blown out, and water was played with from within the barn. Wind swept across the valley and right up my spine, then warmly down my front. I now stretched across the picnic bench, on my stomach, contentedly while my pencil casually scratched across the page.

As I left, I thanked, and sent love, to the girls. I could feel the calm, paused respect, recognition, and then acceptance. It was as if they nodded and then listened closely to feel my footsteps, creating distance. I smiled peacefully to myself. Not magic. More real than anything. Simple and real.


Note: I do not claim to be an "animal psychic" or anything of the like. I have simply developed my ability of intuitive, emotional, and sensory communication, something that is just as real as speaking or using basic body language. Many people do not realize how sensitive they are or can be, and how sensitive animals or others are or can be as well.