Today.

As I was putting the halter on Finale, the gate happened to blow open. Cherish was trying to get out, but I stopped her by stepping in front of her with my leg. Moving back to try to put Finale's halter the rest of the way on, Cherish took one more step forward - and I stepped out again. Suddenly, I doubted that I could keep her there (as she was standing patiently and responsively)... and so, with that piece of doubt, she moved out of the pasture and into the barnyard.

I proceeded to take Finale and Hope into the barn, leaving Cherish to eat grass in the barnyard. She was quite nervous, trotting around from place to place, diving at the ground for grass, and repeating the process. I tried to walk straight up to her with the halter... but much to my dismay, she cantered away in frenzy.

I went back into the barn for a moment to stroke the girls' nostrils before stepping back out with Finale's halter. Cherish was nearby now, looking straight at me. I stopped, picked the halter up a bit, an then purposefully dropped it. As she was already nervous, when I did, she trotted off. I followed her slowly, without the halter. I closed my eyes, felt my toes connect to the earth. I began to talk to her. I explained to her that I could never catch her, that my legs were to short and I was too upright, that I was not meant to run. I told her that she was much too large and powerful for me to ever control. I told her that I never wanted to control her. I explained to her that she would not have to go in that stall if she did not want to, because I would not be able to stop her. She looked at me now, due to the fact that I had admitted that I was weak. I am always trying to seem so independent, so powerful... but now I admitted my weakness, my vulnerability. I told her that I was afraid sometimes, sometimes for reasons I did not know of. I told her that often times, I was afraid of failure. When I said this, she licked constantly. She stepped towards me, and continued to graze right next to me. I then told her that sometimes I feared that I would lose her, because she was special to me. I told her that I did not want to make her do anything, but that I enjoyed to be with her and that she brought a special part to me... And then I mustered up the courage to say the "L" word. This is a word that I rarely say with true depth to my voice, but this time, I admitted that I loved her. She looked at me extremely softly when I said this, and we stared into each other for a moment. As I was tearing up, I began to stroke her circle of energy... what I have begun to call "ambiance". The sadness, the emotions, were taken on very peacefully with her. As I walked away, I made sure to continue holding the emotions. When I got to Hope and Finale's stalls, I stroked their noses through the bars and let the rest of it out. They were very pleased to feel the purity of my sadness. It's funny, because before, I always reminded myself to be "emotionally balanced", and would try to be happy and calm all the time. The more I began to try, the more nervous and conflicted I became! This continued to make me furrow my brow, because I had no idea why it would backfire. Now I realize that "emotionally balanced" is not something that you try to achieve, it is simply letting the emotions be of the moment, be pure, and then go through your feet and into the ground just as peacefully.

When I walked back out, Cherish was standing in the same place, happily grazing. I walked up to her quietly, sat down next to her for a while longer, and then stood up. I stroked her back, her withers, and then her neck. She was very soft, and I gave her the picture, in question, of me putting my jacket around her neck and leading her quietly back to her warm stall where she had grain and water and hay. She moved towards me, put her neck in the position, and conveyed to me that that would be just fine. I put my jacket around her, and back towards the barn we went. I let her stop and eat grass peacefully several times along the way, just because we were in no hurry.

Today, Cherish has taught me that I must have humility in a graceful manner, that I must accept that I am vulnerable with my personal pride. Before today, this would be an extremely stupid thing to suggest of me due to the fact that I am a very proud, independent person... But she reminded me that in order to have the purest black, you must have the purest white, that in order to have the purest happiness, you must have the purest sadness, so why would it not work the same in this? To have the purest independence and inner power, you must be willing to have the purest humility and inner vulnerability.