For the past few days, I haven't been doing much. I did read a lot though, and as I was reading the newest Savvy Times magazine I realized something: I don't have my neutral down very well, and that is why I still have troubles with the Circling Game. You see, I could easily move onto Level 3- except for the Circling Game! I have already started a bit of Level 3, but haven't been able to get very far because of this. What I really need to do is practice and improve my neutral, and my problems with the Circling Game will lessen dramatically. At first I thought it was my Driving Game, but my Driving Game works fine for everything else... It's just when I try to be neutral for a more extended amount of time, I have problems doing so.

Here's my goals for this week. If they run into the next week it's okay too, because that's a lot of material to find time to watch with EOC Exams coming up.

In general:

• Practice being more neutral in everything
• Look at the Level 2 Assessment and Level 3 Assessment Checklist again.
• Rewatch the Level 1 & 2 VHS tapes and then the old Level 1 DVD. 
• Watch and really focus on the Level 3 and 4 DVDs.
• Watch the On Line, Freestyle, Liberty, and Finesse patterns again.
• Take notes on everything.
• Read as much as possible.
• Laugh and talk to the horses as you play.

Cherish:

• Start doing more tasks and improving upon Liberty
• Start & consistently do On Line patterns
• Continue being particular, creative, and patient.
• Continue using softer and softer phases.
• Start riding with Carrot Stick consistently.
• Teach Cherish how to swing her neck to help me up onto her back.
• Driving game for hindquarter disengagement and moving of the forehands at Liberty.

Finale:

• A lot of Friendly. Finale is starting to show RB tendencies along with her LBE innate horsenality.
• Undemanding time. This will prove to her that we are her partners, not her predators.
• Don't be too goal oriented. This is when you push her away.
• Take her ideas and turn them into yours. She likes to feel smart, and she is very smart.
• Have her do little tasks. She likes to figure things out for her own.
• Know when to stop the play session.

Hope:

• Approach and retreat, not for her but for myself. I am still slightly nervous around her due to the past I had experienced with her.
• Play a lot of Friendly, not only for her but for myself.
• Start to be particular and creative, give her tasks to do with the obstacles if you get to that point.
• Maybe play with her with patterns if you get to that point.
• Do short sessions and end them on a good note, once again- not just for her but for myself.

For things besides horses:

• Get my homework done every night (this has been a problem in the past)
• Be more responsible (I tend to forget about things)
• Be careful about analyzing other people's emotions and using the wall of aggravation to defend myself. They're not necessarily angry at me, they may just be stressed. Don't automatically assume.
• Become more distant from those at school that only give you complaints and problems. They do nothing but hand out stress as if it was like free balloons...

I think those are good goals for the week. I don't necessarily have to finish them all this week.

One beat, two beats, three beats. I measure as we seem to reach for the jump in slow motion. My horse's hooves lift off of the ground with ease. We soar upwards in the air, going over a high jump. The nostrils are wide, the eyes are open fully, and my face is turned to the left as we come closer to the climax of the jump. Legs are tucked, hooves pointed perfectly straight in underneath. The neck stretches out, arched in its beauty. We turn in midair. One foot lands in the gray sand, and the next follows. Left hoof is forward, guaranteeing the correct lead. My face is forward, I smile wide. We both know exactly where we're going. My horse's ears are pricked, it's short mane bounces with its three beat stride. One beat, two beat, three beat, four beat, five beat, six beat, seven beat, eight beat. We reach the jump. Hooves lift off the ground, and yet again... We soar.

The liver chestnut races forward, against nothing but for both itself and me. Its mane is long and flows back, touching my hand. My other hand reaches back as it is supposed to but now strokes the leather tassels. My black shirt glitters with blue, and my black cowboy hat begins to fly back a bit. Suddenly, with only a slight cue, my horse comes to a long slide stop. It reminds me of a train going full speed ahead and desperately trying to stop before they get to the broken tracks, except for there is no stopping a locomotive. As we stop, horse's face is completely relaxed. We stand only for a moment before pivoting and cantering off again, this time heading for the arc. My hand still caresses the leather and my horse's coat shines in underneath. I break a smile for the world to see as my horse carries me strongly.

A little gray horse races in underneath me. We ride only in a halter and 12 foot line, and trees whip past us in view. The gallop is quick, but in slow motion as well. The gait is one of the smoothest I have ever felt. Its tail is carried as a flag behind me, and the flecks show well in the shadows of the trees. We navigate up a steep hill, and I lean forward to help. I grab his mane with my hands and hold on, while we fly up the hill. I hear several others just ahead, stopping at some type of water formation. The sweat from both the horse and I prove that we need the break, and that he deserves it. We both breathe hard, but happily.

The large, strong horse in underneath me feels as if he wears moon shoes instead of horseshoes. I imagine stroking his bleach blacked shoulder but continue the contact I have with the reins. We are moving nowhere but are moving- trot in place. The horse's tail does not swish, my face is not dismal. His face is alive, ears toward me, listening to my slight cues. His tail bounces from side to side and I flow along with him. Side to side, side to side my hips move, just slightly.

And finally... saving probably the best for last.

A teenage girl stretches across her small mare's back in the sun. There is no halter, no bridle, no saddle, no tack... The girl's feet rest on the bay shoulders, and she does not worry about whether or horse could leave. She knows that her mare will not leave. The eyes turn to face her and she nudges one foot with her nose playfully. The girl sits up a bit and reaches her hand forward for the mare to smell. Just a few minutes ago they were galloping across a field to nowhere in particular, not leaving or staying. They were lost in a dreamworld, both completely enthralled in the gallop. No person could take this moment from them, fingertips reaching to touch the velvet teddy bear nose. They looked at each other quizzically and with faces full of wonder. Why hadn't they found this before?

It's Really Finished This Time.

I got back from a hack out with my mom. She rode Hope and I rode Cherish, as usual. We had a grand time, and were trotting and walking all over the backfield. Every so often we would stop to let the horses have a bite of grass and for us to take a bit of time to chat. It was great, I wish we could do it more often. Unfortunately our fields have ground hog holes or something of the sort all over them right now and it’s not really safe to go faster than a trot… Sigh. Any who know me know I don’t mind going for a leisurely gallop.

As many know, the best time to think is when you are doing something that is completely boring- just like cleaning. To tell the truth, there is a completely fascinating element in cleaning, being that you can get a lot of thinking done and still get your cleaning done well. Any who know me know that one of my favorite things to do is think. I have decided today that I will make cleaning one of my favorite things because instead of thinking of it as a chore, I will simply think of it as a time to delve into my thought process. I will also try to do things before my mother tells me to, because whenever she tells me to do something I feel like I must defend myself. I do not know why. I've been thinking over that too...

Anyways, you're probably wondering by now what I am thinking about. I was thinking about the doom that lurks at the back of many horse girl's brains- moving on. Not "moving on" as in quitting horses, as in breaking up with boys, as in selling your horse. When I speak of "moving on" it is moving into another direction... towards college or whatever other kind of training you must go in to in order to go into the dreaded work force and away from your horses. Don't get me wrong, I love learning and I love the idea of being able to be specialized in something... But not just one thing. I imagine that I will never be able to hold out a single job for my whole life, that I will most likely have multiple jobs that I carry. Many people say that those who change jobs multiple times are the people who are unsuccessful, but I beg to differ. I think that the people who change their jobs a few times throughout their lives tend to be the happier and more excited on the spectrum and therefore the better workers. I'm not really thinking about college or jobs though- I'm thinking of what will be put on pause for college, and what I hope to get accomplished before then. This is where I want to see myself in the next two to four years:

I hope to have a small trailer and truck either of my own, or shared with my mom. This would be necessary to fulfill my dreams, to be able to do anything of this efficiently. 

I want to be able to go to state and multi-state horse shows. I have dreams of riding into grand arenas on a large, beautiful horse that has a completely happy and confident expression on its face. I want my horses to want and love what I help them excel in. The disciplines that I wish to excel in vary greatly, but really not that much- Hunter Jumper, Dressage, and Reining. I also want to be able to do Endurance and maybe a bit of lower level Cross Country. I have also been hoping to Drive horses and maybe a little bit of Barrel Racing just for fun. The first group is all Finesse- some people would mistake Hunter Jumper for Jumping, but it’s quite different. Hunter Jumpers usually has low jumps and is more about the form and cooperation of the horse and rider. The second group is more about Liberty, and the third is about Freestyle. These would all take different horses that would be suitable to go high into the levels of these and were specifically bred for that purpose or purposes.

I not only want to compete in these high level horse shows, but also travel to photograph them. I am hoping that by that time my photographs will have improved more and look more professional. For those of you thinking that my photographs aren’t anything special, the photographs I use on my blog either aren’t mine and are taken by friends or family, or I use the automatic setting for them because they are specifically for my blog, which I would never or rarely use otherwise. If you want to view a bit of my photography, go to this website: http://www.blindeyedphotography.tumblr.com

I also want to continue improving upon my art. I am forever improving with my drawing abilities, and am not the greatest but have definitely gotten much better. I am slowly being able to record things with my hands from my mind or real life more accurately than before. Proportions are still a bit of a problem, but as I watch the movement, proportions, and looks of people in everyday life I acquire more and more ability to draw. I’m not a bad drawer, I am actually pretty good (or so I’m told). I’m just a perfectionist and am pretty hard on myself when it comes to things that I wish to excel in. I don’t think it’s bad to be hard on yourself when it comes to things I want to excel in…. when you’re hard on yourself with normal things it can be destructive, but a little bit of pressure from yourself is good and can actually help you grow.

I want to continue designing buildings or fixing up house plans that are inefficient. I have gotten pretty good at this and some people are surprised when I tell them that I love to design things like this. I actually designed our barn, but that was a fairly simple task for me. For example, I went into Panera Bread the other day with my aunt and started moving my fingers lightly through the air. She looked up after a few minutes of my doing this and asked what I was doing for so long moving my fingers like that. I told her that I was revising the plans of Panera because I didn’t like the way they had put it together.

And… of course… I want to excel in my natural horsemanship skills. I’ve decided that I’m going to branch out a bit and gain knowledge not just from Parelli, but also from other natural horsemen… I’m hoping to get a Parelli Professional lesson, but that may not be possible right now. I’m going to start playing with all three of our horses instead of just Cherish so that I can gain more savvy arrows. I want to work towards auditioning for my levels and having set goals so that I can reach those levels. I know that I have a  lot to work toward, but I’m ready. I’m going to really start delving into this.

This is where the challenges show themselves. Even though we live on a wonderful farm and in a beautiful house, we don’t have a lot of extra money to throw around because we have spent it all on our house and barn, the fencing, the property, etc. We don’t have a truck that can pull a trailer or the trailer itself. We don’t have an arena or area on our farm to train in any of these disciplines, which is why the trailer would be necessary to travel to other barns. I don’t have any trainers to train me in these disciplines to get me to a level where I can compete. At the shows, I would need the necessary tack and dress. All of these require different wear and it would require me to have several different sets of tack as well. The saddle I use is more of a trail saddle- it would be fit only for trail riding and Endurance. The bridle I have right now rubs Cherish’s face and doesn’t fit her right so I never use it anyway. I’m hoping to get a Cradle Bridle for Christmas… but that’s no good for competing in either. The horses I used, if I wanted to really compete, would have to be of different breeds and different horsenalities. I could probably use an Arabian for most of these, but what do I do when it comes to Dressage and Hunter/Jumper? You don’t see too many Arabians really excelling in this. I know that most people pick a single discipline, but why should I have to pick and choose? Well… If I did have to for money reasons, the top on my list would be Hunter/Jumper, Dressage, and Reining… which I assume all are better with RBI horses, horses that I am more in tune with anyone. I prefer Right Brain Introverts… just look at my little mare, who is a Right Brain Introvert!

In order to get there, I'm going to have to get a job when I turn sixteen. I'm going to have to become more responsible and raise my grades. I'm going to have to be less of a procrastinator and more of a doer. Less disrespectful and more compliant. More involved in things relating to horses, even more so than I already am. I need to have opportunities to learn from multiple trainers who specialize in these subjects. Oh dear… I hope at least one discipline works out.

Most of all, I want the relationship with my horses… So one of the most important things is to take the time it takes, but also be progressive.

So… Here are my dream horses for certain disciplines:

Hunter Jumper: Arabian/Warmblood Cross, Anglo Arabian, Appendix, or Thoroughbred

Dressage: Arabian/Warmblood Cross, Anglo Arabian, Appendix, or Thoroughbred

Reining: Arabian

Endurance: Arabian

Lower level Cross Country: Any horse would work for this really, as long as they enjoyed it. In this I’m not really looking for performance, but more for purpose.

Driving: Finale, my Morgan, would be great for this. Since I wouldn’t be doing anything fancy with it, I could probably have Cherish as her team horse.

Barrel Racing: Arabian

You can probably tell by now that I’m a bit of an Arabian Freak. I also love Arabian Crosses, I almost think they tend to be prettier than the “new and improved” show Arabians that you see with the teeny tiny teacup noses.

Wish me luck with my dreams [: I’m sure they won’t all come true within the next two to four years, but it would be nice. I will fulfill them.

For the past few days, I haven't done a whole lot with Cherish but we've definitely had fun!

I think one day I slept for four hours straight after I got home from school... One day I just spent a lot of undemanding time... Yesterday I rode her... And today I rode her and then played with her a bit.

So yesterday... We started out with approach and retreat away from the other horses. She was a bit nervous leaving them at first, but after a while she got more and more confident to go further. I made sure not to go straight through any of her thresholds. At one point, we were trotting away from the horses again. This time her ears were perked forward, she was moving out into a really nice extended trot, and with bringing my energy up some she went into a nice canter and then a slow gallop. The whole time she was very happy. We were riding straight for the fence, and with just the lift of her reins she brought her butt in underneath her and slid for a few feet before stopping in front of the fence. I gave her a nice scratch and rub. She turned her face to touch my toes and licked her lips with the softest expression on her face. After that, I walked her out a bit to get her breathing rate down and then just sat on her, playing friendly. The whole time I had had my jacket tied (loosely) around my wrist in order to get her used to the sponges I one day hope to be using during Endurance rides... No, not really planning on any competing with a little Quarter Horse mix, but I think it would be fun. Why not?

Today I decided to ride her into the backfield. For some reason I was a bit nervous, something I haven't been for a long time. Instead of hopping on with my nerves, I decided to sit on the picnic table and play friendly. This brought both of our nerves down a little bit. Then I just drove her toward the gait a bit, and told myself that I didn't have to mount- I could just walk up the hill with her and that would be fine. Once we both became calm, I decided to hop on her. At first she didn't want to stand still when I got on, but I kept asking her to stand and getting off, then playing a bit of porcupine and driving. She was soon standing nicely, so I hopped up and just... waited. We started our way up the hill at a nice little trot. I had on my orange vest just in case there were hunters out, but I hadn't seen any. When I got to the top of the hill, I could see trucks off to the right and to the left. I saw a video clip in my head... 

Bang. Falling. Her body crumpling. Landing hard, hitting my chin on her neck with the fall. I hopped off quickly and stroked her neck. Her eyes were wide with fear, the whites showing. I looked onto her right side after checking over her left. A small hole was in her right shoulder. It was small, but matted with dark blood. The bullet must still be lodged in there. I screamed out in agony, in fear, in anger at the idiocy of the hunters. Nobody should be hunting out here, especially at this time. Nobody should be hunting on Thanksgiving. Nobody should be hunting this close. Nobody should shoot at anything with orange. But there was no time to be aggravated with the people, as my horse was breathing hard. Hopefully it had not hurt her lungs. Oh, no, don't let it hit her lungs. 

After I saw this, you could guess that I had her spinning around and cantering down the hill. She knew that I wanted to go faster, she was wishing to go faster as well with my energy up so high... but I held her back. There was no need to have her possibly fall in a hole or ditch by galloping down a hill over something that hadn't happened-yet. I had heard someone screaming to come back when I was spinning her around, but the voice just registered now. It was a shrill, desperate cry- "The hunters are out! Come back! You'll get shot!" To tell the truth, I wouldn't mind so much if I got shot. What I was worried about was Cherish. If she was shot, I don't know what I would do. If she died, I don't know what I would do. If I was shot, I would either die and it would be over or have a long healing process- no problem. 

When I got back to the barn, I hugged her neck. She breathed out heavily, feeling my relief. We were safe here. I took her into the arena slowly and played some friendly just to calm both of us down. Friendly tends to calm not only her down... but also me. Interesting how it works both ways. We played around a bit with the obstacles. The biggest thing was getting her to sideways over the pole.... and then back between a tight squeeze of barrels that were up with only seeing my finger wiggle. We had a bit of fun, and when it started to get dark I decided to put her in the barn. I could smell a storm coming, so I gave the horses some water and hay. All were well, so I turned the lights off, secured the gates... And walked up to the house. A beautiful cloudy sky was above me. Georgia sat behind the glass door, wagging her whole body for her lack of tail. Today, for Thanksgiving.... I decided to be most Thankful for my animals, and for all of the close calls that never got close enough to be destructive.

Please Stop

I came out to see Cherish, but wasn't really planning on doing anything today. I decided to play with her anyway, but was unfortunately too "rush rush" because of the oncoming night. I am afraid not of the dark, but of what I cannot see in the dark- I already have bad vision, and it gets increasingly worse as the light fades. I decided, when I noticed, that I would just sit down in the middle of the arena. She came to me immediately. It made me think....

America is all about hurrying. There's even a "Fast Track Course" for Parelli. People, everyday, are running to get so much done... That they miss out on simple things like this moment. Of course, not all people will have what I do, but just look for a second...

I'm sitting on the dirt, relaxed and with Cherish's head resting just above my lap. A horse that previously trusted no one, she is now in one of the most vulnerable positions. Her muzzle touches my hand for a moment to say "thank you" for stopping. You look up to see a powerful creature who could easily kill you if she wished... But neither of you have any fear. The trees on the ridge a bit behind and to the right are a deep red. Those beside you on the ridge are mostly pine, but there are bursts of colored sprinkled within the sea of green. A slight breeze  plays with your pony's mane. The air is chilly, but feels good on your shoulders and brings a certain life to you that you would not find in the summer time. Ahead, and to your right, there is a clearing on top of the ridge and the trees are sprinkled across it. Behind and above those sprinkled trees is an orange sky with dark grey clouds in front. Each dark cloud is small, and outlined with a vibrant yellow as if being eaten by joy. Soon enough, the sky fades to a peach toned grey. The horse in front of you still stands, head held comfortably low. She too looks to the view slightly above, the one she will never reach. I wonder if she can see that far as clear as I can.

As I sit at one of the picnic tables and write this, two horses crunch their hay behind me. The cat sits waiting off to my right to be scratched. A car passes hurriedly, missing the world on its way down the road. Off to my left, I hear my mom praising Finale as they play together.

Who would want to miss this? sometimes my mom argues that I'm missing things I could be doing with Cherish, but I am missing absolutely nothing. I get more out of experiences than most people. Why? I pause to look around deeply at the world. Nothing is too insignificant to be pondered.

I sit on the window ledge of Cherish's stall now, watching her do very little. Horses are masters at being in tune with the world around them. Most humans are not, but I tend to be very in tune with the world. Each insignificant fleck of shavings, I not only see but feel. Why do I say insignificant/ Because the rest of the humans do not see it. I say insignificant almost as a mockery of the Homo sapien general ignorance. Why? Because to me, each fleck is very significant. Just as each hair of horse's tail, each light along the street... It's all significant. Can you see?

So... Here's a look at the goals, and a bit of reflections.

Last week's goals for Cherish:

• Get the Yo-Yo Game down to Phase Finger Wiggle
• We did this a few times, but it is still not consistent.
• I need to keep playing on this task until she gets it consistently.
• I figured out that my Phases were not quick enough, so before she had no reason to move.
• Improve Driving Game for Zone Four and Five
• We did play with this some, and got pretty good at it at Liberty but she was still getting confused On Line. I think for this game, we need to use the 22' Line if it's going to be On Line, because she doesn't understand when I'm so close with the 12'.
• Improve speed of hindquarter disengagement at Liberty
• We improved the speed a little bit, but more of the quality was improved than the speed. That's good for me!
• Improve Sideways Game
• Yep, we did this! She was going consistently sideways without having to be reminded all the time "Move your front.. Ah, ah, move your back... Move your front... move your back..." She actually started to gain responsibility!
• Do more traveling Circling Game On Line at walk and trot
• Yes, we did this! We need to continue with this, as she's not perfect, but she was doing much better than she was before, and so am I!
• Be able to back from tail without help of rope
• Yes! We got this down very well. She was even doing it from Liberty a bit! She really didn't need the rope, it was just an "I'm holding your hand" type thing.
• Work on the bow
• Yes, we did this. She's starting to get it, but still a bit confused. We need to continue working on this.
• Work on Fluidity
• This turned perfect. All I need to do is not try so hard and stay on my seat bones.
• Use lighter phases
• In order to use lighter phases, I had to use faster phases!
• Be provacative
• I was definitely provacative. Being particular also helped me be more provacative.

Okay, and here's Cherish's goals for this week:

• Continue practicing perfectly with Fluidity
• Continue practicing perfectly with the Phase Finger Wiggle in the Yo-Yo Game
• Continue improving hindquarter disengagement at Liberty
• Continue improving Sideways Game
• Continue teaching the bow
• Keep playing the traveling Circling Game
• Improve the Squeeze Game
• Be particular about things, but don't be critical
• Ride with one Carrot Stick- work towards more efficient bridle-less riding
• Expect a lot, accept a little, reward often
• Laugh and talk to her more

Finale's goals from last week:

• Improve Circling Game confidence
• Work on more and more Friendly Game
• Try Sideways Game
• Get her ready for possible new student
• Work on Freestyle
• Understanding
• Include obstacles
• Be particular and not critical

Overall, I really think I may have set my goals a bit too high for the time that I spent with her. I either need to spend more time with her or have less goals. Because Cherish is my angel pony, partner, and level's horse, she tends to get more attention than I give Finale. When I look back, the time that I did spend with Finale was too stressful for her because I was too goal oriented.

Goals for this week for Finale:

• Friendly
• Driving
• Friendly and Driving will help more with the Circling game and going towards the Sideways game
• Spend more time with her
• This is really important, especially undemanding time. Take a book out, a notebook, and just sit with her.
• Don't be too goal oriented
• This was my mistake last week. This week I need to focus on what she's having challenges with, and less on the higher goals.
• Take her ideas and turn them into mine
• This will help her want to do more for me
• Use the obstacles, be provocative
• She likes to play! Use her play drive for a benefit

Last night, I became truly fluid with Cherish. I had been trying and trying to get this again, as it was something on my goals for  along time. It was at the trot, and with only the 12' rein.

I'm a little bit wobbly today, meaning I'm having troubles standing. I'm dizzy and as of right now, don't know exactly why. I have an idea, because I've had dizzy spells before, all after I fell off of Masterpiece and got a concussion. This one is especially long and worse than they usually are though. It feels like I've hit my head on something and it's the next morning. This isn't too likely, since I moved all of my furniture last night and don't really have anything I could have hit my head on near my bed. Unless of course, I was half-sleep walking again...

There's a dragonfly's (or something else's) fragile wing on my pants leg. It's very pretty and dainty. I will have to show you in a picture.

I went and took the dogs out and fed the horses. Sarge had great fun with his jolly ball (Yes, it is for the horses.) The whole morning had a calming light about it and the day was a bit foggy around the edges. All three of the horses were waiting for me at the gait- impatience and patience level varied upon the individual. The cat wanted to be scratched, all of the animals wanted attention, and I was definitely willing to give it. The animals are like therapy.


I did wake up at 8:30 this morning! I was very proud of myself. (Sorry for the little side thought, carrying on.)

Once they all had there hay, they were happily munching on it. They continued to switch piles as if the one they didn't have was the better one. I am now sitting on a brick wall watching them eat the grass, which is very little in their pasture. Their hooves plod across the ground as if they are completely safe where they are- and they most likely are. Every once in a while, Cherish lifts her head up to watch me sit here. She stands by the nearest fence and the other two are on the other side of the pasture, and couldn't care less if I was outside or not. Cherish watches me quietly, not nervously, not a quick glance, but a contented gaze... It's funny, because it is the same look I gaze at her with. Interesting that we're so alike, even in the way we look at each other. (I am forever wanting to put no space between each and other. Each time I write it, google chrome tells me that I am wrong and I must go back and fix it with its red line.)

I am sitting here by the window, with my laptop propped up onto a little box. The box is an antique apple crate, I believe, and it's very pretty. Next to it is my antique dental cabinet. I know it's a dental cabinet why? Well, first of all, it said so on the tag... And second, when I got it, there was a bunch of nasty old dental things in the bottom not allowing the drawer to close. It was slightly disgusting, due to the fact that they were old and had been in someone's mouth, but they were also fascinating... How could they have been there for all of those years and no one had ever found them? (They did look like torture devices.)

Carry on with your mornings (or almost-noons),
Kara

Moments Out of Order

Due to the fact that I can never remember what order things happened in, I will tell you specific things that happened today. I really can't remember what order they went in, so I'll just tell you when I think of it.

I sat on the blue barrel, facing a line of them. They were each spaced maybe a foot apart for a good scqueeze if Cherish didn't feel like jumping them. I sent her to them, wondering a  bit what she would do. She started to go to the first but I decided to be a bit more particular and ask her to sideways to the second. She looked at me, then sideways'ed to the second opening. She stopped and looked at me, and I suggested she go forward. She looked at the barrels, stuck one leg over one of them and rested it there. Again, she asked a question. I backed her up a bit since she doesn't usually do this. It blew her mind! I brought her to me, then sent her around the other way. She came to the barrels and asked a question. "What do you want me to do? Sideways?" She started to go sideways, but no, that wasn't what I wanted her to do this time. I asked her to turn her body parallel to the barrels, and after a bit of correction she got it. She looked at me, asking a question. I backed her past the barrels, then asked her to sideways around them and to the other side. When she got to the other side, she said "WHOA! That was so cool! You've NEVER asked me to do anything like that before." And then licked her lips. I let her sit there, licking and chewing, and then suggested she go forward. She put one leg through the squeeze, and then another. She had moved her feet through, but was standing over the barrels. I asked her to go sideways a bit, but she got confused and started to put her leg over. Well, that wasn't exactly what I wanted, but we'll try it. Now she was in an awkward position, and I asked her to back a little bit with the flick of my finger. She backed up over the barrels and then stood there looking at me with a question! She licked and chewed, licked and chewed. I sent her around in a circle and brought her to me instead of asking her to do anything. Her face expression was amazing! The whole time we were doing this, I was laughing and talking to her and telling her how smart she was. I've never done this for her before because I always thought that was just for extroverts.... But she really liked having my feedback! I was amazed at this one small task, how much we accomplished within a few minutes. My whole world was shining and so was hers. Two buds sitting next to the barrels, without a care in the world. Anyone else would wonder what the heck a girl would be doing just sitting on the barrels with her horse standing next to her.

We were standing at the odd... Cone-tube thing I had put together a couple days before. It was now lying on the ground instead of being a scary squeeze monster. Even with that simple little piece, I was able to make her start thinking and guessing by asking her to go forward, to the left, to the right, disengage, back up, sideways past, come forward, sideways into... It was a lot of fun! She licked her lips so much!

So, you get the idea. I was being very particular and was laughing and talking a lot. She was giving me more, asking more... She even did well on the trotting traveling circles! Even though she's RBI, the Circling Game scares her some because she was previously lounged. Today she actually seemed to like the Circling Game!

I attempted Liberty but Hope get whinnying and she just wanted to stand by the gate. She was getting really RB because she didn't know what I wanted her to do. I put her back on the 12' Line and instantly she blew out and became more relaxed. Like: "Phew! Thanks for holding my hand, I needed that!"

I got on her with the halter and 12' line. For the past few times I've been focusing a lot on fluidity, and each time I focus more on it I have more problems. My mom pointed out that I might be trying too hard. So... I let her go wherever she wanted and I just closed my eyes. My hips started moving right, my knees were loose, my shoulders were swinging back and forth... I was on my seat bones. I even figured out what the problem was! I was trying so hard to sit on my seat bones that I wasn't on my seat bones and I was trying so hard to keep my back loose that... guess what? My back was tight.

She kept licking and chewing as I rode her around the obstacles. I decided that since she was responding so well to the 12' line that I would take her out in the pasture with it. My mom was walking Finale and playing with her out there, so we had a little "trail ride" with each other in the pasture. Cherish was doing so well with the 12' line! She's never actually been that good at it! As I was trotting her up the hill so well with just one rein, a car passed by and this tiny child's voice called out. "Mamma! Mommy, look! Ponies! Ponies, Mamma!  Mamma, they're ponies. I want a pony like them Mamma! Mommy, look how pretty their ponies are! Oh, look Mamma, she's riding her pony! I want to ride a pony, Mamma." It was a very sweet little voice, not demanding or whiny at all. My mom chuckled and said that that's a lot like I used to sound when I was little. The voice was in perfect clarity, unlike a lot of two or three year olds who have problems talking or forming their words right. That's how I was. Ponies, ponies, ponies. Look at me now. Ponies, ponies, ponies. [:

I stroked her neck as I was about to let her go. All I had to do was put the slightest pressure and she turned her face to me. I slid the halter off carefully and she held her head there for a moment more, just looking at me. I looked at her back, then smiled. She had the happiest expression on her face as if to say, "Thank you." I looked to my right at the sunshine, which was streaming through the clouds and putting a beautiful light on the whole world. I whispered to her, "No. Thank you." She rubbed her nose against my hand and trailed her head down so that my hand went over her eye. I looked at her with a bit of a shock, because she is rarely confident enough for me to touch her anywhere near her eyes. Sometimes I even have to play approach and retreat with her face. She looked at me with a contented little expression as if to say "Yep. I love you." And then turned around and walked off. I smiled as I watched her little bay butt. They say there is no such thing as luck. Then... what is there? Coincidence?

Please bare with me while I try to fix my other pages.

Well, what a joy. I just lost everything I had written. Yay, impatience. Here's an overview:

I sit at the kitchen table writing this to you. It is surrounded by windows in a half-octagon shape. I have researched architecture (by myself) before, and should remember the name of this space but unfortunately cannot. If you expect me to be completely clear in the morning, you have your hopes set to high. I know, I know, it's 10 AM. Most people would be fully functioning by now. My brain doesn't really start fully functioning until 1 PM. Unfortunately, that's when school is out in an hour. I wish the rest of the world was nocternal like I am... Or that I wasn't.

Georgia lays by the door with a large window. She looks so relaxed in the grey light from outside. I think that dogs are much smarter than we give them credit for. They are the most accomplished optimists of the world, seemingly seeking happiness in everything. Sometimes, I wonder if the reason people would ever beat or neglect their dogs would be because they are so miserable, and they think that no creature should be permitted to carry such happiness while they carry such a burden. Granted, a lot of times it is because... The person just does. No one really understands why people would beat any such animal. You can almost never beat the optimism out of a dog. Once brought out of their hell-hole it seems they go right back to being themselves. People can also bring anger out of a dog, but that's another story. Most of the time it is because the dogs are too spoiled.

The front gate is still adorned with a golden wreath. It is a very bright little color and goes well with the place, especially with the grey of today. (Meaning the grey clouds, not how I feel about life.) The barn also looks better with the grey light, darker in comparison to its usual orange.

I plan to play with Cherish today, hopefully take her on a "trail" ride. I would just ride her in the backfield. She has been progressing well, though I still need to play with her On Line more. Sometimes I accidentally make us seem more savvy than we are, but I hope I won't do that on this blog. Just the other day I was playing at Liberty with her, but only at a walk. We are very connected... As long as it is at a walk. She seems to get very distraught when I ask her to trot, and I almost have to "push" her into it because of the way she refuses. I think that maybe if I just wait... She'll eventually offer a trot for me. I get impatient though, and I want to figure out a way to make her want to trot for me, not comply to trot.

Last night my mom and I watched the Savvy Club DVD called "A Bit of Savvy". Yes, we are a little behind on our DVD watching... We then talked about the Cradle Bridle, and about what my dream farm would be. She was too tired to really talk about her dream farm. To tell the truth... I think she's already found it, in this place. Not everything is perfect here, but she loves it here and so do I. We make do with what we have. We have a lot. It would be nice to have a larger arena or a round pen or more obstacles... But we don't, and that's just fine with us. One day we may, or we may never. I do not know. I know that when I get my own barn, my mother will be the first to lay eyes on it... besides the builders, if there are any. I bet I could do it by myself. Maybe not the house, but if I had a couple people to help me I could probably do the barn and the fencing myself.

I did write about it in a Savvy Club post, commenting on another lady's idea to talk about your dream barn. Unfortunately I didn't get to share all of the details because... Well, I started to cry. Why, you ask? I portrayed the farm as when I was older, and Cherish was no longer alive. I had a whole stall covered in paintings and pictures of her or of things that reminded me of her. It actually made me cry, something I do very little of. My horse can make me cry over simple things. Anyone else has to try very hard, if they're real tears. Real tears are not angry tears. Those are like... evil little minions of the other person coming out to betray you.

Dream on,
Kara

Oh. The Grass.

Once again, my father is screaming about his precious grass seedlings that our "beasts" are destroying. I am a fighter... When I get angry, I scream a lot too. We went back and forth (I was on Finale and he was on the deck). I was riding her where it's safe to ride her- in the barnyard. I didn't want to take her into the pasture quite yet but asked my mom to open the pasture gate anyway, planning for some approach and retreat. Those of you who dream every day of having your barn at your house every day: It's not all flower petals and sunshine. When it's at your house, you can't escape from your family. (However, I do love having it here.)

After our little scrimmage of the words, I went into the pasture with some force from my mom. Well... I knew I shouldn't ride her in there because she was already keyed up from having a screaming monster (me) on her back. She wasn't sure if she should be afraid of me... But once she got in the pasture she was SO nervous. At one point she spun in a circle and I went doing "speeding tickets" before she even got to the speed. Not good. Then, she kept on walking and I just went into my own little fit. Unfortunately, I do have a lot of anger every so often but have been controlling it more. This week and the week before that and the week before that have all been stressful... Really, these past couple of months have been stressful. So tonight, all my little RBI/LBI (or INTP, if you're familiar with that) self just EXPLODED. I calmed myself down fairly quickly and got off of Finale. I stood there scratching her for a minute as if to say sorry before I let her go.

My father tends to have that affect on me. It seems he's always the most efficient at popping my balloon when he wants to.

Here is something that Cherish and I are struggling on: Our rapport. I have her heart, now I just need her feet. I think I am going to get my mom to take a video of me playing the Circling game with her, because whenever I play it with her and go into a trot or faster... Disaster strikes! I need to figure out what's causing it. I will send it in, because (until the end of the year) we have a Gold membership that was... Unfortunately wasted. We didn't get the chance to go to any Celebrations, Tour Stops, or Festivals... no Parelli Professionals... and the Mastery Manuals were too advanced for us. I wish I could afford to have a lesson with even just a One Star PP, but I don't have an instructor close or the money. Sigh.

Slowly, we're getting there... except for the Circling Game. That's the only thing that hasn't really improved.

Of course... Today while I was playing with Finale, I was wondering if it was me. Finale has never been messed with much, never really given any "out of the ordinary bad" experiences. We just brought her home about a month ago, and I haven't been able to play with her as much as I would have liked. When playing the Circling Game today, she became just like Cherish acts. I think it's me. So... I'm going to send the video in, and see if it is me, which I wouldn't be surprised at at all.

Hey, it's a learning experience. Might as well delve into it instead of being frustrated by it.

Goals:

Cherish:

• Goals:
• Get the Yo-Yo game down to Phase Finger Wiggle.
• Long Phase 1, short other phases.
• Improve Driving game from Zone Four and Five.
• Drive around to obstacles.
• Improve speed of hindquarter disengagement at Liberty.
• Work on hindquarter disengagement On Line.
• Improve Sideways game.
• Slower Phase 1, more time to think.
• Improve your own timing.
• Do more traveling circles On Line at walk and trot.
• Include obstacles! Let her figure out how to get around them.
• Be able to back from tail without help of rope.
• Get to lighter phases with help of rope.
• Bow
• Pick up leg, ask to bring head back.
• Slowly go further.
• Work on Fluidity.
• Passenger lesson in backfield.
• Key Ideas:
• Lighter phases.
• Be provacative

Finale:

• Goals:
• Improve Circling game confidence.
• Prove to her there is a neutral, and you will stay there.
• Be slow in Phases.
• Be particular but not critical.
• Work on more and more friendly.
• Up the friendly game a bit.
• Try the Sideways Game.
• Work on driving game more first.
• Get her ready for the possible new student.
• Hopefully complete 7 games.
• Work on Freestyle.
• Turning, backing, response to seat and energy.
• Get to respond to lighter and lighter phases in rope.
• Start asking for trot more.
• Key Ideas:
• Understanding.
• Include obstacles.
• Particular but not critical.

These are my goals for the next week or so. I will update them again when I start to get some completed or add more.

A Day in the Life.

I stomped my feet on the pavement, frowning at my shoes. Once again I had had an argument with my mother that wasn't really angry. Sometimes it fascinated me the way I could have an argument without having a single angry feeling towards anyone, yet acting sincerely angry and aggravated. The crowd gave a bit to the weight of each footstep. I hit the switch on the electric box and was given a satisfying "click" in response. As I swung the gate open and let go of the chain, I cringed at the high pitched ringing that filled the air in an obnoxious tone, wishing only to make my ears hurt.

I watched the horses as I walked to the barn with a bounce in my step. My attitude was nothing but pure content. Finale walked down the fence line happily and with ears pricked. Hope was right on her tail with one ear forward, one ear back and a worried look on her face. Cherish lagged behind a bit, but looked at me with both eyes, both ears. I knew that she knew when she got to the gate, she would be chased away if I was not there. I grabbed the carrot stick from the hallway and looped the savvy string through it. Cherish stood away from the gate at the fence, and the other two stood at the gate. I walked across the gravel drive and to the gate, opening it carefully as to not to hear the awful ringing noise again. Finale was first to greet me, and I rubbed my hand up her face. She liked to have her forehead rubbed, unlike the other two. I smiled at her please expression and made a gesture towards Cherish. The small gesture was all it took for her to come confidently to me, no matter that the other horses were standing by. She knew that I would protect her if needed. I turned to her and began rubbing her neck, then her shoulder, then her barrel and finally her belly. When I came to her udder, I scratched the itchy spots and she stretched her neck out in a type of relief. Finale came over, and I drove her away as to keep the horses from having arguments. She walked over to the far side of the gate, acting like a puppy dog that was told to go into time out. I went up to her with a smile on my face, laughed and exclaimed "What a good girl! You listen so well!" Immediately Finale, being a LBE, wiped the hurt puppy dog face away and gave this excited face, as if it were a child asking "For me?!" when given a gift. I turned to see Hope's head lowered, asking quietly for a scratch as well. I happily rubbed and scratched her until she was satisfied with what she was given. Cherish stuck her head into the savvy string and off we went. I opened the gate and... the loop for the savvy string undid itself. She went walking off for a few steps before stopping to graze.

I closed the gate behind me, not worried about where she was to go. I walked past her as if the fact that she had no rope did not matter- which it didn't. I stood for a moment, just watching her graze and then sat down. She looked at me and resumed grazing after a moment, still wondering in the back of my mind what interesting thing I was going to plan this time. Instead of playing the game, she simply walked towards me and let me put the savvy string around her neck. I smiled at her as we walked towards the arena. She followed me as if she were a dog- the savvy string really had no purpose other than to be a reminder of my presence.

I opened the gate and asked her to squeeze through. She did so willingly, and lowered her head for me to take the savvy string off. How she knew I was going to do this, I do not know, because I have never done it and brought her into the arena before. She waited paitently for me to get it overher ears and through the gate, then to walk through the gate myself. I closed it behind me, hoping she wasn't going to shove on it because the clip was missing. She looked away from me, so I looked away from her as well. She still could not look at me, so instead I took my foot and rolled onto the ball of it instead of being flat and she instantly was able to look at me with both eyes. I turned away from her instead of congratulating and overwhelming her and she followed. Since she was following so well I felt no need to put the halter or savvy string on, so I just left her as she was- nothing to restrain her and nothing to force her. Liberty was fine with me and with her, as long as I would still "hold her hand" with my attitude. We walked over towards the tarp, and I pointed at it. She very confidently walked up and purposefully placed her foot right on top of it as if with a "smack". She looked straight at me, and when I smiled and chuckled at her she licked her lips. She walked over to the fence after a moment because I didn't keep her attention. I decided to attempt a spin, so I drove her closer to the fence... and around... and around. Once she figured out what I wanted, she turned all the way towards me and looked at me with her bright eyes. I rolled one of my feet backwards and she came towards me, licking her lips and all. When she stopped, it was with head lowered, eyes soft, and the cock of confidence. I held my heart in my hand and stroked the star between her eyes.

I set up the barrels near the fence for a squeeze game. When I sent her to them, she looked at me, looked at the barrel, and put her hoof on top of one. I smiled at her and then drove her sideways while standing behind the barrel, and she did so well. When she reached the end I sent her around it, and then through the space of two other barrels. She licked her lips when she came back towards me. I played a little bit more with Liberty, being in sync the whole time.

We were standing over by the cones now, and were both very relaxed. She wore an expression so soft I was surprised she was still RBI. She then started to circle, circle, circle, and paw the ground. She had laid down in my presence before- in the water, with me on her back -but had never offered to do it while I was on the ground. For some reason she has always felt safer with me on her back rather than at her level. Why, I do not know. Maybe she is more comfortable with me on her back because she is closer and it is more of an "I am holding your hand" type thing. I am not really sure, but she is.

I set up all of the obstacles differently and decided to put her halter and 12' line on. We played some squeeze with the barrels, with the tarp, some friendly to gain her confidence after the end of our provocative Liberty session, and then tried an ultimate squeeze game- a tube that was stretched over two cones in order to make a small "gateway". I knew she could fit through it, but it would definitely be a tight squeeze. I knew she was not ready, so instead we just played around it and I took whatever she offered. We played a bit more On Line before stopping.

I took her outside of the arena into the barnyard to the greenest part. We stood together for a few minutes before I swung my leg over and layed across her back. I just laid there for a long time with her, both of us completely content with what we were doing. If I could trade any other part of my day for that, I would in a heartbeat... Well, except for the part where I get to play with her on the ground.

Today was one of the best we've had in a while. We are forever getting better and better.

This is my blog in progress. I am going to see if I can post any goals, struggles, hopes, or dreams that come up at least once a week (if not more). Most of them will relate to my journey with my mare Cherish, but you may find the odd one out that has nothing to do with horses whatsoever. Welcome to my blog. Excuse the crappy formatting, I haven't edited it yet but I must go to bed.

Smiles,
Kara