Putt-Putt-Putt.

It amazes me, to look back at where I was before I started looking for deeper things in January, and look at where I am now. In some ways, I am much more accomplished, and in others I am far less. But I am enjoying it so much, while I putt around and learn and enjoy.

True, my groundwork is very very basic. Because I rely mainly on my confidence, my visualizing and conveying, my presence, my personality, and my body language, more than I do ropes and sticks, it goes very slowly. Our actual sessions do not go slow - no they go very quickly. But if someone were to watch me, they would say "Oh, how sweet that she's beginning her training with her horse." Truly, that is what it looks like. It looks like I have just gotten my horse and like we are still learning and putt-putting along. But you know what? That's okay, because I'm not looking for skill, or for mastering right now, I am looking for confidence, creativity, attention, feedback, body language, expression, conveying, learning, etc. What I learn is usually a couple small things at a time, but each time they make all the difference.

It is much easier for me to ride, because that is where I find it easier to have the confidence, the connection, the plan, the body language, etc. I think that it is mainly because it is easier to constantly keep their attention. When I am on the ground, my horses do not pay me their full attention every second. Is it frustrating? Slightly. Is it expected to be that way? Yes, of course. I only expect my horses to be as perfect as I am. They can only follow the example that I give... Which is definitely far from perfect. I am not going to pop my horses and say, "Hey, pay attention!" No, I am going to try to have more attention myself (because that is definitely something that I struggle with) AND be creative and interesting enough for them to look at me and wonder what I'm doing, to use my body language to ask for their attention and then let them decide whether or not they want to give it, to invite and then carry on with whatever I was doing anyway, whether they're doing it with me or not. I let things be the way they are, and then wonder how I can change it without the pressure of wanting to change it. Simply a wonder.

Both Finale and Cherish prefer different things, so naturally each is better at different things. Do I look like any Klaus Hempfling while I'm on the ground? Of course not. Sometimes I wish that I was more accomplished, but I know that I will be one day. Hey, I'm fifteen, I'm really just starting out, and I am becoming closer and closer to myself, the world, and my horses. I'm preparing for flight.