On Friday we went and picked up Trevor and Julia. Trevor is my brother Kyle's little friend, both of who are extremely extroverted. When we got home, Julia gave me a charm bracelet which I absolutely love. I wouldn't typically like jewelry, but it is so meaningful and metaphoric and beautiful. Each charm means something and symbolizes a part of me or who I am. Thank you Julia, for a beautiful reminder to be myself... You are the first person who has been able to get an idea of who I really am and what I stand for.
On Saturday morning I woke up at 7:13 to see screaming, joyful little boys who hadn't slept all night in the living room (just outside my room). I was able to finish my coffee by the time Julia woke up at 7:30, I am assuming also due to the sound of the ecstatic (over nothing) boys. They were so happy to just be with each other- Trevor used to live down the street from us in Greenville, South Carolina and now he lives in Atlanta, Georgia and we live in Tennessee. Julia stepped out of the room with sleep still in her eyes, and thankfully due to my coffee I was already starting to lose that sleepy look.
Giving the horses their morning hay was very peaceful. I fully enjoyed just standing with them, being able to enjoy the time with Julia there as well. The morning was beautiful and bright without any reason to feel anything but joy. The energy from everything just let out immense joy and peace and there were no extra noises besides those natural because no cars were passing. Even if they had been, it would not have mattered- the day was so beautiful that it overpowered all of that.
When I went to give Julia her lesson, I noticed almost immediately what was wrong. When she got into the mindset that she was going to play with the horses, she was so worried about her energy versus theirs and what they felt about the situation that she scattered, hid, and shut off parts of her self presence. In order to understand self presence I think you have to be more conscious of it... But I will try to explain it as best I can without using any of my examples with the world around me that I did.
The way that I think of self presence may be different than everyone else's, so bear with me. I created this idea by myself from what I have found in life and in horses. Self presence is something that only you can find in yourself, that no one else can find for you. It is not your soul, your being, or your character, but how you carry your full self. What do I mean by this? Well... How much of yourself do you allow your conscious self to see or accept? You would be amazed how many people hide their self or pieces of their self from themselves. I believe that this is a horrible thing, because it seems to cause the minimizing of self presence as you grow older... This is of course for most people. There are some people that I have known whose self presence has grown over the years, and I have been fortunate enough to know a few of them. Unfortunately most of them are older- whether it is that they grew extremely in their older age, or that the newer generation has more and more "popular group" type deals, I don't know. I assume it could probably be both. Back to what self presence is: how much of your self you allow to show. When you have the extent of your self presence, you feel joy and peace and freedom. I feel that the extent you can have may grow if you allow it to over time, or even possibly very quickly. Many people only allow their self presence to grow or decline over a long amount of time. Like I said, self presence makes you feel a certain way and in effect can be described as living completely in the moment, freely in the moment, independent of any ties and with yourself completely. You feel so free because you are not hiding any of your self from yourself or anyone else. You are allowing your self to be seen by all intuitive enough to see you and are... Dare I repeat myself, completely freeing everything inside of you!
I also spoke of optimism and not being frustrated. Being frustrated is the poison to everything, and the more we become frustrated the more pressure we feel from everything and from ourselves. It is a terrible thing, being frustrated, and creates a whole downward cycle of... pain.
We laid in the dirt, enjoyed ourselves, played with Cherish, did Horsenality simulations, and were complete goofs. In order to be full of self, I believe that you have to let all of your self shine- and that includes your goofy side! This is a side that so many people neglect or bring about in the wrong ways, with crude jokes or making fun of people. This is not the way to please your goofy need, nor will it ever be for anyone. This would only create more need for goofiness in your life, which would then go into a downward cycle of more jokes, more crude jokes, more crude jokes, more making fun... etc. In order to be truly happy you have to be able to tap into your original child, your goofy innocence. It is a wonderful thing, being like a child. So many people abandon that childish nature, even though it is so beautiful.
Near the end of our play session, just as we were about to go inside for some lunch, a man rode up our driveway on his horse. His horse had a hollow back, appeared to be young and of gaiting breed but not yet properly trained to gait. The horse actually looked as if he were in a lot of pain. We walked up to him and he asked us if there were any trails around in the area, but unfortunately I was not able to give him much information. As he left, he ran his horse all the way down the asphalt- what a shame. The man could barely even keep his horse still while he was stopped and talking to us, pulling back on his mouth all the way. It was probably all he could do to keep him in a controlled gallop as he went back down the road. I am so glad that we treat the horses the way we do...
We went and ate lunch after that, where we enjoyed the breeze on the deck. It was a bit chilly but nice and I enjoyed overlooking the land, as I always do. The view from up there is so beautiful, and I could imagine almost anything. It felt like a dream.
After lunch we read some horse stuff for a bit before going back outside and taking Hope and Finale for a walk. It was a beautiful day but I noticed that neither of them think of us as complete leaders, but I will be working on this in the future. Thankfully Klaus Hempfling has brought up many valid and useful pieces of information in his book, Dancing With Horses. I have enjoyed it to the fullest and plan on taking German now during high school just so that I can read more of his books because there are only three translated into English. I love his way of thinking because it fits right in with mine and he often opens many more details than I have been... introduced to. They are all details that I have begun to think of by myself, but that he only builds on and opens even more of my mind to new things with if I have not yet come across one of those ideas. I thrive in the world of his thinking, so you can imagine that I want to get as much as I can from him.
I really enjoyed just sitting on the tire with her.... Finale and Hope stood near by and Sarge rolled on top of us, on our laps, in the grass, eating weeds.... Just being the wonderful child he is. I don't think he will ever really grow up in his nature, but I do not mind this at all. I think that it is a wonderful quality for a dog to have.
I really cannot think of anything else to say, so I will just say that... I am happy. [:
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