Song and Dance

For many, today is the super bowl, but I couldn't care less about that. For me, today is the first day that I have sung my soul. Today is the first day that I have unlocked the part of my inner self that I have hidden for so long. Today is the first day of the many days to come of touching Hope's soul, her touching mine, and creating a partnership with her. Today is one of the many days that Cherish and Finale have opened themselves to me... And finally, I have completely opened myself to them. Today is the first day that I have learned how to truly open my whole self so that all around can see.

All of this speak of "souls" and "inner selves" may sound trivial to anyone just opening this blog who does not understand the ideas behind the words. Call it what you want- a soul, self, inner self, a being, an inner being, conscious, mental/emotional state... whatever you wish, but it's all the same.

Singing your soul is something that has recently occurred to me as very important. I had not heard of this anywhere before, but it is possible that there is someone else who has come up with a similar concept. I found out a few months ago that not only was it very relaxing for horses to be sung to, but it was also very relaxing to sing- and depending upon what you sing, it creates a different mood and "softness", lack of softness, or even heaviness in the horse. Continuing with the singing, I found that some songs actually seem to mold the shape of the partnership in that moment and connect the human and horse in a much greater way than before. The more I sang while I was just being with the horses, the words began to mix together and I began to sing what I call "the present song". The present song is the state that you are in in the present, full and real. It is not necessarily your whole self but what you allow yourself to see and what you allow to filter through. It is what you feel and sense in the moment and how you view the world. When singing the present song with the horse, if we connected the present song would entwine between human and horse and create a song of one between two. Then, as I sang further and further, I noticed that there were moments where my song would take turns, cut ends, stop short... There were faults in my song. My song was avoiding me. I realized that this goes hand in hand with what I do in every day life- I avoid the parts of my soul that I have chosen not to see, chosen not to let others to see for fear that they will hurt it. This is the complete and true inner self of the human that many people search for when all they have to do is open it. It is right there, in your grasp for your whole life, but so many people go on "retreats", "vacations", and even seek help through counseling and therapy in order to sort through the "problems" and get to their soul. Unfortunately so many people do not realize that their soul is with them at all times, and there is no problem other than THEM SELF. No one- not a counselor, not a psychologist, not a pastor- and dare I say it- not a "higher powered being" can fix this for you. Only you have the key to your soul. It has not actually taken me that long from the theory of soul singing to get to my singing of the soul. I have found my song today, and it is a beautiful one at that. I loved every moment of it, could not drink enough of it, was like a child who was first remembering a dream in the morning, or a little girl who first touched a horse. I was opened to a new world of wonderful things, a new world where I still have much to explore. The amazing this is that many people never find this new world of things that everyone should see- That every simple living thing connects in order to create the world. Everything affects everything, and ever single thing means something. There is a story in ever piece, a life in every living thing, and there seems to be emotion and thought hidden in ever corner, crevice, and lawn of the world as if they were easter eggs. Not too many people see their soul.... Instead they sell it or hide it. Please, I beg of you- do not kill your soul, and do not let others kill your soul.

Though few people know, Hope and I have gone through some past discrepancies and difficulties since my mom and I bought her just after she had turned five years old. Buying a green five year old Half Arabian mare was probably not the smartest choice on our part, but we had fallen in love. To make a long story short she was injured the day after we brought her home, by fault of a vet was infected with three major bacteria in her lower left hind pastern/coronet band/upper hoof wall, and had to undergo surgery in order to extract the infected tissue so that it would not spread to the rest of her body. By the time she had healed she had become dangerous to ride and very spooky, but also turning very dominant at times. Whereas before she had loved humans and been a very soft, playful mare, she was now very angry and scared of humans. This went on for a few years before we found Parelli, but it did not magically disappear in one night. She is now very calm thanks to my mom, but at the moment very disinterested in humans. Due to the past that we have shared I have often had confidence issues with her. I have wanted to connect with her for a while, as I had always thought she was special, but have not been ready until now.

I was pushing yet another load of manure out to the manure pile from the barn, where I had been stripping the stalls. I was elated with myself from achieving singing my soul and so complete. Looking at the trees, I thought at how pretty they were and how many instances they had stood before, how many memories that had passed by them. My head turned softly to the left, where I watched with great curiosity where Hope was standing at the gate and the other horses were standing off behind her. Her ears were pricked and her whole expression was very attentive- and focused on me. I know that Hope is extremely perceptive, but was really wondering if she was that sensitive to things that she could tell I had become one with myself. I let the wheelbarrow stop, stood there watching her for a moment and decided to step over there for a moment. What I was greeted by was overwhelming, much more character from her than I had seen in a long time. I wondered... if this was all it really took. Was it me that had to be one before she could be the same? I reached out my hand as an offering, as to which she rested her nose in it. I had not noticed that I had changed the way that I offer my hand until just now... Could it be that my oneness with myself had changed my whole expression of myself? Quite possibly. I offered her the halter, but she began to turn her face away. I remembered seeing something that Klaus Hempfling had said on one of his videos: "A mare needs most... RESPECT." I stepped back twice and also stepped away, apologizing for my straightforwardness. She immediately thanked me. What happened following was something that I cannot describe on logical terms too easily. I had become so in tune to her that what my energy focused on, hers focused on, and if her energy in fear focused on something mine would focus on that thing as well. At one moment we had pivoted on our "hindquarters" and both leaped forward, then running. She tossed her head, kicked up her heels in a joyful manner, and pricked her ears forward. I stopped quickly in astonishment but she had already done the same. Whether or not I had begun this or she had was not really noticeable by either of us- only that we had done it together. At another point, I began to trot. She followed me instantly, and as we trotted I began to stand straighter and tuck my legs in under me. Following me, she did the same and rounded her back. I began to raise my legs higher, and she did the same, in almost a dressage maneuver of sorts. I began to curve my body this way and that, ever so slightly, and in response she would curve her body around me or away from me depending upon how I had turned and where I had asked her to move with my body language. It was an amazing dance.

Before we had danced of oneness and beauty, she had needed help dancing of frustration and fear. I had helped her dance these dances before, allowing her to let them grow without restrictions. This may sound as if it were contradictory to getting her to dance with oneness, but if I had restricted her frustration and fear it would have stayed there. By allowing her to be herself, to be free, to sing the song of the present, I was able to allow her to sing the song of her soul.

I believe that from now on when I am with the horses I will be open myself completely to them. Before I did not have worries or regrets, only hidden pieces of myself. By allowing myself, the pieces of me that show my strength and freedom and everything of the like, will be here. Now that I know how that feels, I imagine that it will not leave.