I believe that I am writing to nobody, but I am here to wrap up this blog. It is time enough that I have spent on here, rambling, justifying, and working through everything that I have seen. I don't really think it changed my life, unless it was that I spent too much time on it.

You see, I have learned something. Looking back does not need to be shared or documented, because the important things will most definitely be remembered. If you wish to share something with a few select people, shoot them an email, or even better, send them a letter. I love letters.

I have come here also to say though, that when it comes down to it, my relationship with my horse is not a partnership. It is not a "relationship" either. I suppose you could call it that, but that seems far too informal to me. Some of you may not know what a friendship is, but to me, the deepest friendships are things where you can feel the other's Hearte in your Hearte and you feel it no matter whether you are together or apart. For me, Cherish is a friend. A very dear friend. She has become a much bigger part of my life than I had really ever expected her to, but really... I have the friendship with my horse that I always used to dream of.

You know, I was in the field the other day with her. She only had a small string of hay twine around her neck, and we were running together. All of a sudden I stopped when a thought came to mind. I can remember passing fields in the car when I was little, and dreaming of what I would be like if I were a horse. I dreamt of all of the things that I would do and say, and I knew that I would love for my person to truly love me back, and that we wouldn't necessarily need any form of tasks. We would just love each other so much that everything would just happen. -- and I realized as I stopped that everything I had said to myself that I would be like if I were a horse was exactly what Cherish is like. And so, it is beautiful.

Our love for each other is strong. But that does not mean that everything is perfect. And I think that that is the problem - is that so many people get hung up on perfection that they forget to Love. I had forgotten to Love even. And sometimes, all the time really, Love is far more powerful than ever getting good at anything. You don't need to be able to do the perfect piaffe. You don't need to be able to do the perfect jump gymnastics combination to lead into an ascending oxer. You don't need to be able to win or even complete the fifty mile endurance race. And you don't need to be able to get your Level 4 in Parelli. Sure, they are all nice goals. But without any sort of Love or Friendship, if you reach these goals, in my mind, and certainly in the horse's mind - you still have nothing.

You cannot have anything without having Love. Respect - it is empty without love. Only compliance without love. If you have perfection - it is nothing without Love. If you have performance - it is nothing without Love. If you have your emotions mastered - it is nothing without Love.

Do you have to be married to feel Love? No. I'm certainly not, I'm only fifteen years old. Do you have to be able to be with the best and most perfected family? Ha! Our family is far from perfect. It is not about being right or correct or completing things. When you look back on your life when you are about to die, you do not see all of your accomplishments. No. You see everything that was special to your Hearte.

And so here I have realized that it is not important to have to ride. That it is not important to have to do anything. That everything needs to be taken slow, and only done with Love and with Hearte. For done any other way - whether hurried or bossed or told - is no where near as fulfilling as friendship.

If it had not been slow to learn, if it had not been slow to come, and if you had not been able to softly ask and wait for the slow answer to come, then it would not be as worth it, for it would be easy. If it were easy, it would not show how important it was. But not only would it not be important - it would not be Hearte.

A Learning Way

Julia:

"Your horse is a mirror to your soul. Sometimes you might not like what you see...Sometimes you will." -Buck Brannaman

 Do you agree? Is Sharlie a reflection of my soul? Who does Finale reflect? Is it possible it is the other way around and we reflect our horses as well?

My answer:

For the last one, it's complicated and simple. It is and isn't true. It's not that I think that the horse can't be, and it's not that I think that it is. The horse can be a reflection to your soul, but is not always. Finale and Cherish, although reflections, are different. The horse will show you who you are in their own way simply because they are each different individuals. They are all different and cannot be expected to show you and every aspect of you. They each do it differently. (Added: I have known, on occasion when the horse thinks it absolutely necessary, to show a person EXACTLY who they are, because they know that the person needs it) And yes, Sharlie is. The horse reflects you not as a whole, and not all the time - they do it while you are with them. they will show you what they do and do not like about you. (Added: If the person is extremely nervous and teaches the horse to mirror you or trains the horse their self, they can make the horse a very nervous horse. The horse will mirror people, but not always in the positive way. If the person is extremely angry, the horse will, in turn, become more aggressive in the pasture. You will see the horse beginning to mirror the more extremes even when a person isn't there. But also, if the person is an aggressive person, the horse could become an extremely nervous horse. It all really depends upon how the horse reflects the person, and who they are as an individual.) They do not always show it so accurately - but they will show you when they think that something is not quite as it should be - when it is distracted, distorted, and scattered, etc. Example, Cherish does not like Orie, but she doesn't quite mind Greg. (Our farriers) Finale doesn't like Greg, but she doesn't mind Orie. I think it really just depends upon what each horse sees in each person, and the traits that they like or don't like. (Yes! Horses have opinions!) EAch horse can teach you something different about yourself. They all have something to offer.

A Learning Way

Julia:

What is being more sensitive? What does it involve? How does one get there? Advantages/disadvantages? What about those who are becoming more sensitive but are feeling alone or lost?

My answer:

Becoming more sensitive is something that you have to find on your own. I cannot help you. It is so personal a thing that it should not be written about [in detail] because it will be different for every person.


For those becoming more sensitive but feeling alone or lost, they will have to see. It is something that, like aI said above, is a personal journey [and usually attained in young age, even if kept subconscious for many years] and that I really cannot help unless I were to see and feel the individual person. They would have to allow me to feel and see them first though, rather than being closed and lost... And they would simply have to learn enough until they realized that they were not lost. I could help the individual a little bit, but only up to a certain point.


(Added)


For each person, for each individual, the most important thing is not the help that I can give them, but really just a special friendship. The only thing that I could really offer anyone would be love and kinship, but I could only really offer them that if I chose to.


Being more sensitive, in general, is feeling, seeing, and hearing. It is knowing who you are and being able to notice and truly feel all of the small things. It is being able to look into something and say "Ahh... what beautiful memories held there." even if they are not yours. It is being able to look into someone and say "Dear, it will be alright." and know in general, if not exactly and in detail, what is wrong... Or knowing enough by looking into the person not to say that, but something else. It is being able to be comfortable enough in your own skin and in your own eyes to see things such as. But not everyone is sensitive. Not everyone can become so.


One gets there, like I said above, on their own person journey. For me, it started mainly in small things - in enjoying things that most people wouldn't notice. In dreams as well. All kinds of things. Learning from small things that most people wouldn't even notice. 


There are no true advantages and disadvantages to being sensitive, because you learn that nothing is truly "good" or truly "bad". It is all mixed and all beautiful. What you find in it is your own sight.

A Learning Way

Julia:

Becoming more expressive: What do you mean by this? What is a good example?  How can we become more expressive? Why would we want to become more expressive? How is this related to becoming more sensitive?

My answer:
Yes! Becoming more expressive! Oh, there are a thousand ways that you can show that you are becoming more expressive dear, but there are only a few ways that you are. Expressive, is expression. How do you become more expressive? Really, you just have to know who you are. For so many years, I have not been expressive, but I am finally ready to become so. ... Expressive is not jus through clothing, but through your facial and physical expressions as well. [and the general expressiveness that you allow your self to have. expressions let your self shine through - true expression anyway]  It allows you to be who you are on the outside without being afraid. Sure, when you are first becoming expressive, you may be afraid, [even petrified, as I have found myself sometimes] but after a while it becomes something that you fully dive into and love. It is something that is absolutely wonderful, and that you can't help but never come out of. Why wouldn't you want to become more expressive? Expression is beautiful, freeing, and absolutely wonderful. People who are expressive are absolutely joyful. Expression doesn't just come in clothing though, it also comes in art, in how you live your life, in how you see your day, in how you approach people. It is absolutely beautiful. And I love it. [Expression can be sad as well.] You don't necessarily have to be sensitive in order to be expressive, and it doesn't necessarily go hand in hand, but usually when you become more sensitive [if you do] you will eventually become more expressive. However, this is only if you recognize your sensitivity and allow it to shine. [and if you have it] If you simply have it, but trap it, you have very little chance of  becoming expressive, and you will continue to be more closed and "organized" than anything else. What do I mean by organized? Well, your art will be well planned out and there may even be dark lines on it, your music will have something missing from it that most people don't notice, your clothes will be fairly normal for you with all the same basic thing (example: my years of t-shirts and shorts together, and only that, shows how I have not been expressive for so long)... etc. But remember, expression is so much more than that. And for me to truly be able to get you to understand, I would have to let you see [feel] it first. Or you would have to find it.

A Learning Way

Julia:


A lot of horse people nowadays keep saying "What if?" when playing with their horses (including me!) What do you think of the power of 'What if...' ? Can it be used for good or is it just a negative thing?


My answer:

The power of "What if?" is very strong. It implies not only "what if?" but your general way of thought and your thought processes. If you can say to yourself, or if you simply and already do, say "I can!" then you're already winning. With the mindset of terrible and tragic things, your ride or your time with your horse is most likely going to be not as you hoped. 


Take, for example, the way that I typically look at my life. I know that I will always be involved with horses. I know that, at one point, I would love to have a ranch, but that that is not what really matters. What matters to me is that I do something that I love for a job, that I can have or be with a horse that is very special to me, and that I am completely spontaneous and enjoy my life fully. I know that as I grow up and have my own money, I will have my own unique style. I know that i may have to give away my horses a couple of times, but I know that they will go to great homes. I know that my life will be the best it can be simply because I am hapy with just about any way it is, as long as I am joyful. And how would I be joyful? By simply knowing that I was.


The human mind is extremely powerful in their life. If you think that your life is bad, it is. If you think that your life is good, it is. There is a man that goes to the church that my mom goes to and works there as a janitor/handi-man. He rarely gets to stop and listen to the services because he always has so much work to do. His name is Lionel. He has another job as well. whenever you approach him, he runs to you with a huge smile and throws his arms out to hug you. He says, "Mornin, mornin, mornin..." with the largest smile you've ever seen on a man. he proceeds to say that he loves you so much several times, that you are a joy to his eyes, and when you ask him how he's doing, this is what he says: "Oh, honey, work is never done, work is never done, but that's how the Lord placed me in the world, and that's how I like it. It's a beautiful day dear, a beautiful day, and boy, do I feel like singing." Lionel is not rich. He does not have family. I'm not even sure if he has a house, because he may just have living quarters in the church. But Lionel is happy. Lionel loves where he is. And quite frankly, Lionel is one of the most beautiful people I have ever met.


Going by this, we are safe to say that your outlook on life, and on everything, most definitely does affect your life. Lionel never thinks that work is too much, and Lionel never believes that he should be somewhere else in life. He is happy where he is. If you are constantly saying to yourself, "What if... this happens and it all goes wrong?" It will definitely all go wrong, but maybe not the way you thought that it would. Your inner self will become more and more nervous, more and more negative, and over time, you will become more and more withdrawn from yourself. Your self is beautiful, and you need to live it to the fullest! It is all that you need to do... And "What ifs" are not always bad.... You could say to yourself, "What if I could do this?" But the important thing is, is that it'snot the just what if that matters. It's the fact that you ask yourself, you know that you can, and you have faith that with YOU as the guide of your life, with some help from others (and if you are spiritual/religious, whoever your leader is) along the way, it will happen.

A Learning Way

Julia:

The horse reflects the human and the human reflects the horse. With joy, anger, tension, emotions, memories...? (By adding a question mark to the end, I am asking for your reflection on that and your comment.)

My answer:

Remember Julia, always listen to and learn from your horse.

This can happen often times.......BUT........it's different. Typically, horses only mirror people's emotions when they are trying to send them a message. If you understand your horse and you can hear your horse and listen to your horse, and you are feeling some emotion, most likely you will also be fairly balanced. It seems like all of these things pretty much go hand in hand with animals. It is mainly the unbalanced and distorted or hidden emotions that make the horse show you something. If you are frustrated, and acting as if you are, but you are truly nervous in underneath out of complete and utter fear, the horse will show you the complete and utter fear that you hold, and will also become slightly nervous itself. Horses have this thing that tells them not to trust anything that denies its true emotions - because these creatures tend to be very unpredictable and taunting. They think they're on top, and that they know all through logic and that they can conquer all through simple means - and that is exactly the problem with humans.

Tension is something that results from distorted, unbalanced, or hidden emotions. If you are nervous, you can still be nervous and hold no tension. Sometimes I become nervous, but never do I become tense. this is because I am completely truthful with myself about my nervousness, the gravity and weight of it, why I'm nervous, and how long it's been there..... etc etc. You will only gain tension from having facades and whatnot and being unbalanced. Tension is created from incongruent "innerds", as Ray Hunt would say, of the human.

Adding more...

As you can see from the picture above, this horse and person most definitely have emotions of their own. The girl is very quiet, but waiting for the horse nonetheless. She wants to gain friendship of the horse, and by lowering her head acknowledges, accepts, and admits her small self. Yes, she is humble - something that is often thought of as terrible, even by the kindest of horsemen, for its lack of dominance and hierarchy. I am sure we have all witnessed at least one instance in our lives where a tall man enters a field of horses, and sends them all scattering, especially the one he is seeking out to train or ride... once he gives up, a small person (whether small adult or child) who is very gentle and kind will enter the paddock. They will sit or stand, not waiting for the horses to approach but simply enjoying the beauty of watching them. Soon, the horses will be around them, happy for the company. Even the horse who seemed to run away, so terrified, will approach this gentle person happily.

And here we see that not only do horses read emotions extremely easily, but intentions as well. Horses may join with you and share your emotion if they think best - but they may also do something else. If they themselves are not sure what to do, they will without a doubt take off of the tension and emotions of the humans and horses around them. Why do you think that often, the young horses are trained to be ponied by an older, more experienced horse before they ever learn to accept a rider, or in many cases are simply backed, because it seems that very few people actually care whether or not the horse truly accepts. This Arabian - a breed that is often associated with being hot, scattered, and flighty - is quietly snuffling this small girl's face. And it makes us stop and wonder - is it the horse? Or is it the person?

We always have to be paying attention and listening - both to ourselves, our horse, and the world.